Headline of the Day: Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In
Fortunately, its from the Onion -- but it sounds way too real!
Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In
A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.
"What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future," said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. "We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution."
The current economic woes, brought on by the collapse of the so-called "housing bubble," are considered the worst to hit investors since the equally untenable dot-com bubble burst in 2001. According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent.
If it wasn't so sad, it would be hysterical . . .
>
Source:
Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In
July 14, 2008 | Issue 44•29
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/recession_plagued_nation_demands
Monday, July 14, 2008 | 02:30 PM | Permalink
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Comments
The best comedy always hurts.
Posted by: roger | Jul 14, 2008 2:35:49 PM
My new favorite onion article. It was 'NASA get's WiFi' from last year.
Posted by: Greg | Jul 14, 2008 2:42:05 PM
I think that the bottom is nearing, i.e., the bottom is about to free fall.
Posted by: johnnyvee | Jul 14, 2008 2:43:01 PM
ROFL!!
Satire is the way to tell an ugly truth while laughing at it.
It is still an ugly truth tough. :-(
Posted by: Francois | Jul 14, 2008 2:43:58 PM
Looks like the VIX on your RSS subscribers is at 29...
Posted by: Jay | Jul 14, 2008 2:44:15 PM
BR, Eric Janzen of www.ITulip.com has already called for a massive buildout & up for alternative energy. Given the weak dollar, why not?
Posted by: Chief Tomahawk | Jul 14, 2008 2:46:08 PM
Funny that they missed the bubble that is genuinely trying to be inflated at the moment: the green/environmental bubble.
Posted by: mattbg | Jul 14, 2008 2:57:19 PM
Best bet for a new bubble?
Why "Carbon Offsets" of course! What better way to show the ignorance and stupidity of man...
Posted by: austincompany | Jul 14, 2008 2:58:39 PM
"...Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm."
Classic. Describes 99% of investment firms out there.
Posted by: JL | Jul 14, 2008 2:59:28 PM
Maybe the next bubble will be pawnbrokers?
"At this point, bubbles are the only thing keeping us afloat." :)
Posted by: Tejvan Pettinger | Jul 14, 2008 3:07:46 PM
Look Look There is a light at the end of the tunnel,,,But it is a freight train loaded with high explosives on a short fuze
Posted by: gina | Jul 14, 2008 3:19:41 PM
I haven't seen Brian Wesbury make an appearance on CNBC in a while.
I want to hear about how there's no recession on the horizon.
Posted by: DL | Jul 14, 2008 3:29:05 PM
What Chief Tomahawk said:
That Eric Janzen article is brilliant and eerily real with the Pickens Plan, etc., etc.
Posted by: Sinomania! | Jul 14, 2008 3:30:21 PM
Brilliant. Satire is an excellent way to reveal the truth:
"According to investment experts, now that the option of making millions of dollars in a short time with imaginary profits from bad real-estate deals has disappeared, the need for another spontaneous make-believe source of wealth has never been more urgent."
I rarely trade individual stocks. I'm strictly a futures traders who employs 100% technical analysis. The reason is I'd rather buy/sell an index and not individual stocks is TRUST. I simply cannot trust an investment in a companies 'stock.' Let's face, all of these publicly traded companies once began as private concerns. The number one reason to go public is for owners to create a means to "cash out." Do you really want to buy stock when the original owners are selling?
They often use the excuse of "wanting to raise permanent capital to fund 'growth.'" But let's be honest. There are huge debt markets out there that could be tapped if they were upbeat on their growth prospects. I know. I know. Raising capital from shareholders via IPO is 'interest free cash.' But, it's also true that if you really believed in the growth prospects of your business, you would never sell.
Of course, there's plenty of great businesses that have grown up in the public markets. And some have created vast wealth. But, there sure are a lot of losers.
- AT
Posted by: Andy Tabbo | Jul 14, 2008 3:33:30 PM
What in do you think is happening in the commodities market?!
That's where the game moved.
Posted by: Movie Guy | Jul 14, 2008 3:35:27 PM
They forgot my favorite ... zinc oxide.
Posted by: Douglas Watts | Jul 14, 2008 3:35:33 PM
They also forgot: "dehydrated water".
Posted by: mattbg | Jul 14, 2008 3:39:35 PM
Clearly we need to be investing in bubbles.
Bubbles are the way to go. Big soapy, floating ones will do best.
Posted by: Paul in NYC | Jul 14, 2008 3:43:19 PM
how the illegals futures would work?
- nationality?
- point of entry?
- method of entry?
- terrorism potential?
Posted by: Upstream | Jul 14, 2008 4:18:20 PM
Two-thirds of Congress, and three-fourths of the Federal Reserve Board, will take the Onion article at face value.
Me, I'm buying tungsten cowhide futures and miners of crapalloy.
Posted by: Jim Haygood | Jul 14, 2008 4:20:28 PM
Don't forget my favorite. Budweiser 5 cent certificates of deposit. Now a global play!
Posted by: Vermont Trader | Jul 14, 2008 4:26:42 PM
The heck with all that other stuff - I'm long rope, because when we string all the crooks out there up by their necks and leave them to twist slowly, slowly in the wind (ah, where is John Mitchell when we really need him!), I figure that's gotta lead to a huge increase in sales.
Posted by: Uncle Jeffy | Jul 14, 2008 4:27:25 PM
Day after day, week after week...this thing continues to play out like a slow motion train wreck.
The longer this goes on, the scarier it becomes.
Posted by: BG | Jul 14, 2008 4:30:28 PM
Its interesting that no one stops to think
that US Treasuries may be in the Biggest Bubble of them all...
Posted by: MarkTX | Jul 14, 2008 4:45:42 PM
Its interesting that no one stops to think
that US Treasuries may be in the Biggest Bubble of them all...
Posted by: MarkTX | Jul 14, 2008 4:46:15 PM
