NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
A fun email circulating trading desks, worthwhile as an informal measure of sentiment:
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008 | 03:30 PM | Permalink
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Comments
g-d that was funny
Posted by: Michael Donnelly | Oct 7, 2008 3:34:06 PM
So so funny.. I LMAO..thanks Barry!
Posted by: urban trekker | Oct 7, 2008 3:44:23 PM
So so funny.. I LMAO..thanks Barry!
Posted by: urban trekker | Oct 7, 2008 3:44:58 PM
whats wrong with this market, Barry, I imagine that page counts are through the roof, so even your contrary indicator isn't working!
I guess the whole world figured out that the banks actually didn't really make a profit in these last 7 years...and actually lost money?
Posted by: kurt | Oct 7, 2008 3:46:36 PM
look out below
Posted by: Richard | Oct 7, 2008 3:50:09 PM
Bear markets make idiots out of everyone - except Steve Barry.
Thanks for the comic relief, Barry.
Posted by: leftback | Oct 7, 2008 3:59:49 PM
SHORT SELLER: someone who is reviled, but envied.
Posted by: DL | Oct 7, 2008 4:02:30 PM
Where's my rate cut?
Loaded up on XLF. Also on puts since I don't want a high P/E ratio :)
Posted by: Mike in NOLa | Oct 7, 2008 4:03:20 PM
As I said yesterday, we're nowhere near a bottom, in part because so many people on this site were trying to catch the bottom, even if just for a trade. And look at all the stocks not at new lows yet, like homebuilders, JP Morgan, Citi, retailers, and on and on.
I'm not trying to talk my book, although I am still very short, but just to inform people of the severe risks of trying to go long anything for more than a day trade.
This credit crisis will destroy anyone that tries to stand in its way.
Posted by: Jerry | Oct 7, 2008 4:06:15 PM
Mike in NOLa @ 4:03:20 PM
Really. The election’s in four weeks. What the hell are they saving their “bullets” for?
Posted by: DL | Oct 7, 2008 4:09:28 PM
BR- nice comic relief, it was definitely needed.
I'm kicking myself for selling my SDS yesterday at 87. I thought a fed rate cut and bear market rally was in the bag. S&P below 1000!!!
If I recall corretly BR picked 975 for a bottom.
I think we could get below 900.
Posted by: R. Timm | Oct 7, 2008 4:10:13 PM
But wait... aren't you the CEO of Fusion IQ?
Posted by: Mike | Oct 7, 2008 4:10:30 PM
Yeah, and S&P is below 1000
Welcome to the new life:)
Posted by: Ilja | Oct 7, 2008 4:10:31 PM
CONTAINED -- Ten pounds in a five pound bag.
Posted by: Roger Bigod | Oct 7, 2008 4:11:22 PM
Decoupled: When the folks in stearage sink under the waves, while the 2% sail off in life boats
Posted by: VoiceFromTheWilderness | Oct 7, 2008 4:12:04 PM
Already seen this list in 2002.
Do you remember Enron?
We'll never learn.
Posted by: Grimoaldo | Oct 7, 2008 4:16:56 PM
The moment the VIX hits 90, this market’s going to turn on a dime.
Posted by: DL | Oct 7, 2008 4:17:49 PM
I don't know. The Ripple might be kicking in but I think we're going to S&P 800 or a little lower pretty quick, then this will be the time to buy big. Credit markets are clogged and hedge funds are selling out at firesale prices. Up is not an option any time soon.
Actual hard assets, such as those used by employers who produce useful goods and services, still exist and new ones are being made. Most people still work. The investment economy is shifting at internet speed from what used to work, to cash, to what is going to work in the new world.
The Fed is just lubing the wheels, cleaning up the mess from Economy 2.0, and shitting bricks as a by-product. Of course, if McCain wins then be prepared to get good at selling apples on the street corner (both stolen electronics and those grown on trees).
The bottom might languish around for about 3 or 6 months and double bottom, so buying at 'the' bottom is not a big concern. I'm optimistic, in a short term pessimistic kind of way. Maybe I'll get some Mad Dog for later.
Posted by: dead hobo | Oct 7, 2008 4:22:58 PM
Gold and the Dow will cross at 5000
Silver and the S&P will cross at 500.
Buy Physical bullion from your local dealers and get your money out of the banks until further notice. Buy whatever you can get your hands on, eagles, maples, krugerands, 100 and 1000oz bar!
It is only a matter of weeks before the EU is abandoned and the Euro is split into two new interim Euro brand currencies:
Euro Latin (Portugal, Spain, Italy, Ireland,Greece )
Euro Northern Europe
(Belgium, Germany, France, Ireland, , Luxembourg, The Netherlands, Austria, Finland)
Simultaneously, Germany and France will begin reintroducing the Franc and the D. Mark
The Northern Euro currency will most likely survive as a similar gold backed currency to the Swiss Franc.
I know you are saying this can't happen, but how many of you could foresee what has happened in the last 6 months, let alone the last six weeks.
Be safe.
Posted by: mw | Oct 7, 2008 4:26:53 PM
I give you two more:
Bank - entity that share its profits among its shareholders but its losses are socialized
European Saving Bank - entity that share its profits among its politicians but its losses are socialized
Posted by: mencey | Oct 7, 2008 4:29:58 PM
totally screwed now.
Posted by: mark | Oct 7, 2008 4:30:01 PM
Looks AA is broke. Owes 7B against 880m cash.
Posted by: John Borchers | Oct 7, 2008 4:31:09 PM
How'd that contra-Cramer toe in the markets trade work out? Anybody?
Posted by: dead hobo | Oct 7, 2008 4:33:52 PM
Left one out:
Bill Gross: Man behind a curtain pulling all the strings. AKA Wizard
"Bill Gross, who manages the world's biggest bond fund, said the Federal Reserve should act as a clearinghouse to guarantee that transactions are completed and buy commercial paper to renew confidence in financial markets."
Posted by: Winston Munn | Oct 7, 2008 4:42:13 PM
I wonder if the retail investor has caved in as yet. What about all those 401k statements that have as yet not been opened. When will they hit the panic button.
Posted by: grumpyoldvet | Oct 7, 2008 4:45:13 PM
