Friday, December 18, 2009
Unusual Chanukah suggestion
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Friday, December 11, 2009
LIRR Commuter from Hell: The Foul Mouthed Sow
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Puns
The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.No pun in ten did
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Thursday, December 10, 2009
Denmark jean commercial
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Husband Store
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)
PLEASE NOTE:
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
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Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Washington Post neologism contest
| The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. (I believe this is older)
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn 9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all |
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Monday, December 07, 2009
Gallery: The Year's Most Amazing Scientific Image
http://www.popsci.com/node/36702
Hairy Hearing
Inner ear hair cells. Colored scanning electron micrograph (SEM) of sensory hair cells from the organ of corti, in the cochlea of the inner ear. These cells are surrounded by a fluid called the endolymph. As sound enters the ear it causes waves to form in the endolymph, which in turn cause these hairs to move. The movement is converted into an electrical signal, which is passed to the brain. The V-shaped arrangement of hairs lies on the top of a single cell. Magnification: x21,000 when printed 10cm wide.
Capillary network
This striking image actually shows part of an ox's eye, and the capillaries in it. Capillaries are small blood vessels, which act as the connective network between arteries and veins. The capillaries have been made visible by injection of an insoluble dye into the artery that supplied them.
Volcano Light Show
Nature unleashes a torrent of energy as ash fills the air: After lying dormant for more than 9,000 years, the Chaitén volcano belched forth a 40,000-foot-tall ash plume in early May, touching off lightning and a monthlong eruption. The volcano, situated 700 miles south of Santiago, Chile, forced the evacuation of 8,000 people from the nearby village of Chaitén. It was roughly comparable in size to the 1980 Mount St. Helens eruption that released hundreds of millions of tons of debris in an explosion 1,000 times as powerful as the atomic bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki.
Robotic Jellyfish
Swimming around in their tank, these autonomous robotic jellyfish move alone or in a swarm and communicate with their brethren to avoid underwater collisions. Developed by German industrial-automation company Festo as an attention-grabbing experiment in cooperative robotics, each AquaJelly uses eight bendable "tentacles" to propel itself forward. But the AquaJelly does more than swim around and look pretty. Each is coated with conductive metal paint that draws the robot to a nearby charging station. It also has LED illumination, integrated pressure, light and radio sensors, and 11 infrared light-emitting diodes used for jelly-to-jelly communication.
Ferrofluid
Ferrofluids are made up of tiny magnetic fragments of iron suspended in oil (often kerosene) with a surfactant to prevent clumping (usually oleic acid). The fluid is relatively easy to make at home yet extremely expensive to buy on-line. How does $165 a liter sound? Pretty bad, right? Click here to learn how to make ferrofluids on the cheap.
Transiting the Sun
In this tightly cropped image, the NASA space shuttle Atlantis is seen in silhouette during solar transit, Tuesday, May 12, 2009, from Florida. This image was made before Atlantis and the crew of STS-125 had grappled the Hubble Space Telescope. The photographer made this image using a solar-filtered Takahashi 5-inch refracting telescope and a Canon 5D Mark II digital camera.
Planetary Nebula NGC 6302
The newly-refurbished Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first breathtaking images after being repaired in September. Here, Nebula NGC 6302 with its butterfly wings of 36,000-degree gas.
Hearts Built to Order
A dead heart beats again, thanks to the efforts of scientists at the University of Minnesota. To rebuild and reanimate the organ, which was harvested from a rat, scientists first stripped the old heart cells away with a detergent typically found in shampoos. That left behind a collagen matrixthe protein fibers that hold groups of cells together and help give organs their overall shapewhich they then reseeded with heart cells from a newborn rat. They attached the organ to electrodes and waited. Then it happened: The heart started to beat regularly. "We were all running around like crazy, scared that it would [just stop and] never beat again," says team member Harald Ott, a surgical resident at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. The reanimation technique is now being tested on pig hearts, which are much closer in structure to human hearts than are rat hearts. Organs from built-to-order collagen matrices could help treat the five million Americans who suffer from heart failure and the some 2,600 patients currently waiting for transplant donors.
Extreme Weather
One of fifteen incredible extreme weather photographs (this one shows a tornado kicking up some serious dust) taken by Jim Reed, featured as part of a gallery and Q&A on PopPhoto.com.
An Aerial View of Yellowstone's Grand Prismatic Spring
The Grand Prismatic hot spring is a deep thermal spring, richly colored by growths of exotic heat-loving micro-organisms. Some believe they offer a glimpse of what the first life on earth would have looked like.
Image from BBC Earth's Yellowstone: Battle for Life.
Saturn's Enceladus Moon
the Cassini spacecraft conducted a flyby of Saturn's sixth-largest moon, Enceladus, snapping some rather breathtaking photos along the way. The flyby, whose purpose was to gather the highest-resolution photos ever of the moon's southern polar region and to thermally map the "tiger stripe" terrain there, gathered some stunning images including some of the geyser-like plumes Cassini discovered on the moon's surface during previous flybys.
The photos themselves -- provided by Cassini Imaging Central Laboratory for Operations (CICLOPS) -- are raw and unprocessed, but along with the thermal data they should help researchers piece together a detailed map of Enceladus's geologically active southern pole.
Check out the full gallery here.
Anglerfish Ovary, Magnified 4x
This cross-section of an anglerfish's ovary is reminiscent of another sea creaturethe nautilus. Its otherwise-dull spirally composition caught James Hayden's eye, so he used fluorescent hematoxylin and Eosin stains to illuminate the different details of the image. "I was trying to create an image that sharply defined the boundaries of the different parts of the specimen, so that the image could actually be used to demonstrate the morphology of the ovary and eggs," he says.
Zebrafish Retina
This fireworks display is actually a microscope image of a zebrafish retina that's been immunolabeled for ultraviolet cones (magenta) and rods (green). The image shows the regular pattern of the cones and the scattered pattern of the rods typical of a normal fish. The labeling was performed by Karen Alvarez-Delfin, doctoral candidate at Florida State University.
Courtesy Greaves, Richards, Rice & Muxlow
At this moment, in the constellation Taurus, a planet is forming in the dust and debris surrounding the star HL Tau. The protoplanet, named HL Tau b, may be the youngest yet discovered. A team of British astronomers found HL Tau b when they noticed an extra-bright clump in a radio image of its parent star from the Very Large Array radio telescopes at the National Radio Astronomy Observatory in New Mexico. The young planet is believed to be only a few hundred thousand years old and 930 million miles in diameter. Because its parent star is still developing, the protoplanet won't condense into its final forma ball of hydrogen and helium gas about the size of Jupiter called a gas giantfor at least another million years, says astronomer Anita Richards, a member of the research team. Further observations will help scientists learn how gas giants like Jupiter and Saturn formed in our own outer solar system.
Desert Rift
This 35-mile long, 20-foot-wide rift in the Ethiopian desert opened in 2005. Though some geologists at the time suggested that it would one day become a new ocean, that position was considered controversial until recent research confirmed it. This research showed that the geological processes that are creating the rift are nearly identical to those that occur at the bottom of oceans.
Mount Redoubt Eruption Seen from Space
This satellite image provided by GeoEye and taken Monday March 30, 2009 shows Alaska's Mount Redoubt volcano as it emits a steady ash plume.
A Happy Nanoscale Accident
A moment's inattention creates a dramatic nano-landscape: Sure, these look like mushroom clouds of nuclear doom, but they're really just evidence that nanoscale construction is tricky business. Engineering physicist Fanny Béron of the Polytechnic School of Montreal accidentally left the power on for too long when making 175-nanometer-wide wires. When the wires overflowed from their mold, creating the lumpy structures [here colored orange], she turned the error into art by etching away the molds and imaging the remaining malformed nanowires using a scanning electron microscope. Digitally added color completed the Armageddon effect. The image won first place at the Materials Research Society's fall 2007 "Science As Art" competition.
Wrinkled Photoresist, Magnified 200x
When objects like circuits are going to be chemically etched, they are often first covered with photoresist. Photographer Dr. Pedro-Barrios Perez inspects the photomechanical substance to make sure it will work when it goes to production. So why did he submit this picture? "It looks like the sun warming up the earth with its mighty energy waves," he says. Interesting, because photoresist sometimes wrinkles when exposed to heat.
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The Coming Collapse of the Middle Class: Higher Risks, Lower Rewards, and a Shrinking Safety Net - UCTV - University of California Television
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Sunday, November 29, 2009
Dubai Completes World’s Largest Middle Finger!
(Rooterz – Dubai)
Visible from space, Dubai has completed construction of the World’s largest structure,
The 110 story "Burj Dubai Middle Finger Tower".
The dedication festivities were hosted by Dubai’s Sovereign Ruler, His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum,
who took the opportunity to simultaneously announce he was suspending payments to the international lenders who financed it.
“ We wanted to show the world a great symbol” he said “ You gave us $59 Billion in loans and a payment schedule – and we give you this!”
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Sunday, November 22, 2009
Trompe L'Oeil illusions
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009
787 ETFs Listed ? Every Exchange Traded Fund
ETF List of over over 700 Exchange Traded Funds covering all sectors and strategies from emerging markets and commodities to leveraged and short ETFs. This ETF ticker symbol list is updated routinely so be sure to bookmark and utilize as a permanent reference.
Symbol NameCGW Claymore S&P Global Water Index ETF
UBD Claymore U.S. Capital Markets Bond ETF
ULQ Claymore U.S. Capital Markets Micro-Term Fixed Income ETF
UEM Claymore U.S.-1-The Capital Markets Index ETF
TAO Claymore/AlphaShares China Real Estate ETF
HAO Claymore/AlphaShares China Small Cap Index ETF
EXB Claymore/Beacon Global Exchanges Brokers & Assets Mgr Index ETF
CUT Claymore/Beacon Global Timber Index ETF
CSD Claymore/Beacon Spin-Off ETF
EEB Claymore/BNY Mellon BRIC ETF
EEN Claymore/BNY Mellon EW Euro-Pacific LDRs ETF
FRN Claymore/BNY Mellon Frontier Markets ETF
SEA Claymore/Delta Global Shipping Index ETF
XGC Claymore/Great Companies Large-Cap Growth Index ETF
TAN Claymore/MAC Global Solar Energy Index ETF
MZN Claymore/Morningstar Information Super Sector Index ETF
MZG Claymore/Morningstar Manufacturing Super Sector Index ETF
MZO Claymore/Morningstar Services Super Sector Index ETF
FAA Claymore/NYSE Arca Airline ETF
OTR Claymore/Ocean Tomo Growth Index ETF
OTP Claymore/Ocean Tomo Patent ETF
RYJ Claymore/Raymond James SB-1 Equity ETF
ROB Claymore/Robb Report Global Luxury Index ETF
LVL Claymore/S&P Global Dividend Opportunities Index ETF
DEF Claymore/Sabrient Defensive Equity Index ETF
NFO Claymore/Sabrient Insider ETF
STH Claymore/Sabrient Stealth ETF
ENY Claymore/SWM Canadian Energy Income Index ETF
CRO Claymore/Zacks Country Rotation ETF
IRO Claymore/Zacks Dividend Rotation ETF
HGI Claymore/Zacks International Multi-Asset Income Index ETF
CZA Claymore/Zacks Mid-Cap Core ETF
CVY Claymore/Zacks Multi-Asset Income Index ETF
XRO Claymore/Zacks Sector Rotation ETF
GRI Cohen & Steers Global Realty Majors ETF
XRU CurrencyShares Russian Ruble Trust
DIA DIAMONDS
TYO Direxion Daily 10-Yr Treasury Bear 3x Shrs
TYD Direxion Daily 10-Yr Treasury Bull 3x Shrs
TMV Direxion Daily 30-Yr Treasury Bear 3x Shrs
TMF Direxion Daily 30-Yr Treasury Bull 3x Shrs
DRV Direxion Daily Real Estate Bear 3x Shares
DRN Direxion Daily Real Estate Bull 3x Shares
DPK Direxion Developed Markets Bear 3x Shares
DZK Direxion Developed Markets Bull 3x Shares
EDZ Direxion Emerging Markets Bear 3x Shares
EDC Direxion Emerging Markets Bull 3x Shares
ERY Direxion Energy Bear 3x Shares
ERX Direxion Energy Bull 3x Shares
FAZ Direxion Financial Bear 3x Shares
FAS Direxion Financial Bull 3x Shares
BGZ Direxion Large Cap Bear 3x Shares
BGU Direxion Large Cap Bull 3x Shares
MWN Direxion Mid Cap Bear 3x Shares
MWJ Direxion Mid Cap Bull 3x Shares
TZA Direxion Small Cap Bear 3x Shares
TNA Direxion Small Cap Bull 3x Shares
TYP Direxion Technology Bear 3x Shares
TYH Direxion Technology Bull 3x Shares
EBM Emerging Global Shares Basic Materials
ECG Emerging Global Shares Consumer Goods
ECN Emerging Global Shares Consumer Services
EEO Emerging Global Shares Energy
EFN Emerging Global Shares Financials
EHK Emerging Global Shares Healthcare
EEG Emerging Global Shares Index Composite
EID Emerging Global Shares Industrials
EMT Emerging Global Shares Metals & Mining
ETX Emerging Global Shares Technology
ETS Emerging Global Shares Telecom
EUT Emerging Global Shares Utilities
SGOL ETFS Physical Swiss Gold Shares
SIVR ETFS Silver Trust
ONEQ Fidelity Nasdaq Composite Index Tracking Stock
FBT First Trust Amex Biotech Index Fund
FXD First Trust Cons. Discret. AlphaDEX
FXG First Trust Cons. Staples AlphaDEX
FDV First Trust DB Strategic Value ETF
FGD First Trust DJ Global Select Dividend
FDN First Trust DJ Internet Index Fund
FDM First Trust DJ Select MicroCap ETF
FDD First Trust Dow Jones STOXX Select Dividend 30 Index Fund
FXN First Trust Energy AlphaDEX Fund
FXO First Trust Financials AlphaDEX
FFR First Trust FTSE EPRA/NAREIT Global Real Estate Index Fund
FXH First Trust Health Care AlphaDEX
FXR First Trust Industrials AlphaDEX
FPX First Trust IPOX-100 Index Fund
FNI First Trust ISE Chindia
FLM First Trust ISE Global Engineering and Construction Index Fund
FAN First Trust ISE Global Wind Energy ETF
FIW First Trust ISE Water Index Fund
FCG First Trust ISE-Revere Natural Gas
FEX First Trust Large Cap Core AlphaDEX
FTC First Trust Large Cap Growth Opportunities AlphaDEX Fund
FTA First Trust Large Cap Value Opportunities AlphaDEX Fund
FXZ First Trust Materials AlphaDEX Fund
FNX First Trust Mid Cap Core AlphaDEX
FDL First Trust Morningstar ETF
FAB First Trust Multi Cap Value AlphaDEX Fund
FAD First Trust Multi CG AlphaDEX
QCLN First Trust NASDAQ Clean Edge U.S. Liquid Series Index Fund
QABA First Trust NASDAQ(R) ABA(R) Community Bank Index Fund
QQEW First Trust NASDAQ-100 Equal Weighted Index Fund
QQXT First Trust NASDAQ-100 Ex-Technology Sector Index Fund
QTEC First Trust NASDAQ-100-Technology Sector Index Fund
FRI First Trust S&P REIT Index Fund
FYX First Trust Small Cap Core AlphaDEX
FXL First Trust Technology AlphaDEX
FXU First Trust Utilities AlphaDEX Fund
FVL First Trust Value Line 100 Fund
FVD First Trust VL Dividend
FVI First Trust VL Equity Allocation
GXF Global X FTSE Nordic 30 ETF
GXG Global X/InterBolsa FTSE Colombia 20 ETF
GCC GreenHaven Continuous Commodity Index Fund
BHH HOLDRS B2B Internet
BBH HOLDRS Biotech
BDH HOLDRS Broadband
EKH HOLDRS Europe 2001
HHH HOLDRS Internet
IAH HOLDRS Internet Architecture
IIH HOLDRS Internet Infrastructure
MKH HOLDRS Market 2000+
OIH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Market Oil Service
PPH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Pharmaceutical
RKH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Regional Bank
RTH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Retail
SMH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Semiconductor
SWH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Software
TTH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Telecom
UTH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Utilities
WMH HOLDRS Merrill Lynch Wireless
TBH HOLDRS TeleBras
QAI IQ Hedge Multi-Strategy Tracker
TLH iShares Barclays 10-20 Year Treasury Bond Fund
CSJ iShares Barclays 1-3 Year Credit Bond Fund
SHY iShares Barclays 1-3 Year Treasury Bond Fund
TLT iShares Barclays 20 Year Treasury Bond Fund
IEI iShares Barclays 3-7 Year Treasury Bond Fund
IEF iShares Barclays 7-10 Year Treasury Bond Fund
AGZ iShares Barclays Agency Bond Fund
AGG iShares Barclays Aggregate
CFT iShares Barclays Credit Bond Fund
GBF iShares Barclays Government/Credit Bond Fund
CIU iShares Barclays Intermediate Credit Bond Fund
GVI iShares Barclays Intermediate Government/Credit Bond Fund
MBB iShares Barclays MBS Fixed-Rate Bond
SHV iShares Barclays Short Treasury Bond Fund
TIP iShares Barclays TIPS Bond Fund
ICF iShares Cohen & Steers Realty Major
IAU iShares COMEX Gold Trust
IDV iShares Dow Jones EPAC Select Dividend
DVY iShares Dow Jones Select Dividend Index Fund
IYT iShares Dow Jones Transportation Average Index Fund
ITA iShares Dow Jones U.S. Aerospace & Defense Index Fund
IYM iShares Dow Jones U.S. Basic Materials Index
IAI iShares Dow Jones U.S. Broker-Dealers Index Fund
IYK iShares Dow Jones U.S. Consumer Goods Index Fund
IYC iShares Dow Jones U.S. Consumer Index Fund
IYE iShares Dow Jones U.S. Energy Sector Fund
IYF iShares Dow Jones U.S. Financial Sector Index Fund
IYG iShares Dow Jones U.S. Financial Services Index Fund
IYH iShares Dow Jones U.S. Health Care Index Fund
IHF iShares Dow Jones U.S. Health Care Providers Index Fund
ITB iShares Dow Jones U.S. Home Construction Index Fund
IYJ iShares Dow Jones U.S. Industrial Sector Index Fund
IAK iShares Dow Jones U.S. Insurance Index Fund
IHI iShares Dow Jones U.S. Medical Devices Index Fund
IEO iShares Dow Jones U.S. Oil & Gas Exploration & Production Index Fund
IEZ iShares Dow Jones U.S. Oil Equipment & Services Index Fund
IHE iShares Dow Jones U.S. Pharmaceutical Index Fund
IYR iShares Dow Jones U.S. Real Estate Index Fund
IAT iShares Dow Jones U.S. Regional Banks Index Fund
IYW iShares Dow Jones U.S. Technology Index Fund
IYZ iShares Dow Jones U.S. Telecommunications Index Fund
IYY iShares Dow Jones U.S. Total Market Index Fund
IDU iShares Dow Jones U.S. Utilities Index Fund
FCHI iShares FTSE China (HK Listed) Index Fund
IFSM iShares FTSE Developed Small Cap ex-North America Index Fund
IFAS iShares FTSE EPRA/NAREIT Asia Index Fund
IFEU iShares FTSE EPRA/NAREIT Europe Index Fund
IFGL iShares FTSE EPRA/NAREIT Global Real Estate ex-U.S. Index Fund
IFNA iShares FTSE EPRA/NAREIT North America Index Fund
FIO iShares FTSE NAREIT Industrial/Office Index Fund
REM iShares FTSE NAREIT Mortgage REITs Index Fund
FTY iShares FTSE NAREIT Real Estate 50 Index Fund
REZ iShares FTSE NAREIT Residential Index Fund
RTL iShares FTSE NAREIT Retail Index Fund
FXI iShares FTSE/Xinhua China 25 Index Fund
IGE iShares Goldman Sachs Natural Resources Index Fund
IGN iShares Goldman Sachs Network Index Fund
IGW iShares Goldman Sachs Semiconductor Index Fund
IGV iShares Goldman Sachs Software Index Fund
IGM iShares Goldman Sachs Technology Index Fund
LQD iShares GS $ InvesTopTM Corporate Bond Fund
GSG iShares GSCI Commodity-Indexed Trust Fund
HYG iShares iBoxx $ HY Corp Bond Fund
EMB iShares JP Morgan Em Bond Fd
DSI iShares KLD 400 Social Index Fund
KLD iShares KLD Select Social Index Fund
ILF iShares Latin America 40 Index Fund
JKD iShares Morningstar Large Core Index Fund
JKE iShares Morningstar Large Growth Index Fund
JKF iShares Morningstar Large Value Index Fund
JKG iShares Morningstar Mid Core Index Fund
JKH iShares Morningstar Mid Growth Index Fund
JKI iShares Morningstar Mid Value Index Fund
JKJ iShares Morningstar Small Core Index Fund
JKK iShares Morningstar Small Growth Index Fund
JKL iShares Morningstar Small Value Index Fund
ACWI iShares MSCI ACWI (All Country World Index) Index Fund
ACWX iShares MSCI ACWI ex US Index Fund
AAXJ iShares MSCI All Country Asia ex Japan Index Fund
EPU iShares MSCI All Peru Capped Index Fund
EWA iShares MSCI Australia Index Fund
EWO iShares MSCI Austria Index Fund
EWK iShares MSCI Belgium Index Fund
EWZ iShares MSCI Brazil Index Fund
BKF iShares MSCI BRIC Index Fund
EWC iShares MSCI Canada Index Fund
ECH iShares MSCI Chile Index Fund
EFA iShares MSCI EAFE Index Fund
SCZ iShares MSCI EAFE Small Cap
EEM iShares MSCI Emerging Index Fund
EZU iShares MSCI EMU Index Fund
EWQ iShares MSCI France Index Fund
EWG iShares MSCI Germany Index Fund
EFG iShares MSCI Growth Index Fund
EWH iShares MSCI Hong Kong Index Fund
EIS iShares MSCI Israel Capped Investable Market Index Fund
EWI iShares MSCI Italy Index Fund
EWJ iShares MSCI Japan Index Fund
SCJ iShares MSCI Japan Sm Cap
TOK iShares MSCI Kokusai
EWM iShares MSCI Malaysia Index Fund
EWW iShares MSCI Mexico Index Fund
EWN iShares MSCI Netherlands Index Fund
EPP iShares MSCI Pacific Ex-Japan Index Fund
EWS iShares MSCI Singapore Index Fund
EZA iShares MSCI South Africa Index Fund
EWY iShares MSCI South Korea Index Fund
EWP iShares MSCI Spain Index Fund
EWD iShares MSCI Sweden Index Fund
EWL iShares MSCI Switzerland Index Fund
EWT iShares MSCI Taiwan Index Fund
THD iShares MSCI Thailand Investable Market Index Fund
TUR iShares MSCI Turkey Investable Market Index Fund
EWU iShares MSCI United Kingdom Index Fund
EFV iShares MSCI Value Index Fund
IBB iShares Nasdaq Biotechnology
NY iShares NYSE 100 Index Fund
NYC iShares NYSE Composite Index Fund
IWB iShares Russell 1000
IWF iShares Russell 1000 Growth
IWD iShares Russell 1000 Value
IWM iShares Russell 2000
IWO iShares Russell 2000 Growth
IWN iShares Russell 2000 Value
IWV iShares Russell 3000
IWZ iShares Russell 3000 Growth
IWW iShares Russell 3000 Value
IWC iShares Russell Microcap Index Fund
IWP iShares Russell Midcap Growth Index
IWR iShares Russell Midcap Index Fund
IWS iShares Russell Midcap Value Index
OEF iShares S&P 100 Index Fund
ISI iShares S&P 1500 Index Fund
IVW iShares S&P 500 Growth Index Fund
IVV iShares S&P 500 Index Fund
IVE iShares S&P 500 Value Index Fund
AOA iShares S&P Aggressive Allocation Fund
AIA iShares S&P Asia 50
CMF iShares S&P Cali Muni Bond
AOK iShares S&P Conservative Allocation Fund
EMIF iShares S&P Emerging Markets Infrastructure Index Fund
IEV iShares S&P Europe 350 Index Fund
IOO iShares S&P Global 100 Index Fund
ICLN iShares S&P Global Clean Energy Index Fund
RXI iShares S&P Global Consumer Discretionary Sector Index Fund
KXI iShares S&P Global Consumer Staples Sector Index Fund
IXC iShares S&P Global Energy Index Fund
IXG iShares S&P Global Financial Index Fund
IXJ iShares S&P Global Healthcare Index Fund
EXI iShares S&P Global Industrials Sector Index Fund
IGF iShares S&P Global Infrastructure
MXI iShares S&P Global Materials Sector Index Fund
NUCL iShares S&P Global Nuclear Energy Index Fund
IXN iShares S&P Global Technology Index Fund
IXP iShares S&P Global Telecommunications Index Fund
WOOD iShares S&P Global Timber & Forestry Index Fund
JXI iShares S&P Global Utilities Sector Index Fund
AOR iShares S&P Growth Allocation Fund
IJK iShares S&P MidCap 400 Growth Index Fund
IJH iShares S&P MidCap 400 Index Fund
IJJ iShares S&P MidCap 400 Value Index Fund
AOM iShares S&P Moderate Allocation Fund
MUB iShares S&P National Municipal Bond Fund
NYF iShares S&P NY Muni
IJT iShares S&P SmallCap 600 Growth Index Fund
IJR iShares S&P SmallCap 600 Index Fund
IJS iShares S&P SmallCap 600 Values Index Fund
TZD iShares S&P Target Date 2010 Index Fund
TZE iShares S&P Target Date 2015 Index Fund
TZG iShares S&P Target Date 2020 Index Fund
TZI iShares S&P Target Date 2025 Index Fund
TZL iShares S&P Target Date 2030 Index Fund
TZO iShares S&P Target Date 2035 Index Fund
TZV iShares S&P Target Date 2040 Index Fund
PFF iShares S&P US Preferred Stock Fund
WPS iShares S&P World ex-US Property
ISHG iShares S&P/Citigroup 1-3 Year International Treasury Bond Fund
IGOV iShares S&P/Citigroup International Treasury Fund
ITF iShares S&P/TOPIX 150 Index Fund
SLV iShares Silver Trust
JVS JETS Dow Jones Islamic Market International Index Fund
DMM MacroShares Major Metro Housing Down
UMM MacroShares Major Metro Housing Up
BRF Market Vectors Brazil Small-Cap ETF
KOL Market Vectors Coal ETF
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IDX Market Vectors Indonesia Index ETF
GDXJ MARKET VECTORS JUNIOR GOLD MINERS
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GDX Market Vectors TR Gold Miners
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AFK Market Vectors-Africa Index ETF
MOO Market Vectors-Agribusiness ETF
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NLR Market Vectors-Nuclear Energy ETF
PLW PowerShares 1-30 Treasury Ladder Portfolio
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PKW PowerShares Buyback Achievers
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UDN PowerShares DB USD Index Bearish
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PIZ PowerShares DWA Developed Market Technical Leaders Portfolio
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PDP PowerShares DWA Technical Leaders Portfolio
PJB PowerShares Dynamic Banking
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PBE PowerShares Dynamic Biotech &Genome
PKB PowerShares Dynamic Build & Construction
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PAGG PowerShares Global Agriculture Portfolio
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PGJ PowerShares Golden Dragon Halter USX China Portfolio
PHB PowerShares High Yield Corporate Bond Portfolio
PIN PowerShares India Portfolio
PWZ PowerShares Insured CA Municipal Bond Portfolio
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PID PowerShares Intl Dividend Achievers
PSP PowerShares Listed Private Equity
PXN PowerShares Lux Nanotech Portfolio
PMNA PowerShares MENA Frontier Countries Portfolio
PNQI PowerShares Nasdaq Internet Portfolio
PNXQ PowerShares NASDAQ NextQ Portfolio
PQBW PowerShares NASDAQ-100 BuyWrite Portfolio
PGX PowerShares Preferred Portfolio
QQQQ PowerShares QQQ Trust
PBP PowerShares S&P 500 BuyWrite Portfolio
PYH PowerShares Value Line Industry Rotation Portfolio
PIV PowerShares Value Line Timeliness
PVI PowerShares VRDO Tax Free Weekly Portfolio
PHO PowerShares Water Resource Port
PBW PowerShares WilderHill Clean Energy Portfolio
PUW PowerShares WilderHill Progressive Energy Portfolio
PWC PowerShares XTF: Dynamic Market Portfolio
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PZI PowerShares Zacks Micro Cap
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CSM ProShares Credit Suisse 130/30
TBF ProShares Short 20+ Year Treasury (TBF)
DOG ProShares Short Dow30
SEF ProShares Short Financials
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DDG ProShares Short Oil & Gas
PSQ ProShares Short QQQ
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UYM ProShares Ultra Basic Materials
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DDM ProShares Ultra Dow30
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XPP ProShares Ultra FTSE/Xinhua China 25
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RXL ProShares Ultra Health Care
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EFO ProShares Ultra MSCI EAFE
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EZJ ProShares Ultra MSCI Japan
DIG ProShares Ultra Oil & Gas
QLD ProShares Ultra QQQ
URE ProShares Ultra Real Estate
UKW ProShares Ultra Russell MidCap Growth
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UKF ProShares Ultra Russell1000 Growth
UVG ProShares Ultra Russell1000 Value
UWM ProShares Ultra Russell2000
UKK ProShares Ultra Russell2000 Growth
UVT ProShares Ultra Russell2000 Value
UWC ProShares Ultra Russell3000
SSO ProShares Ultra S&P500
USD ProShares Ultra Semiconductors
AGQ ProShares Ultra Silver
SAA ProShares Ultra SmallCap600
ROM ProShares Ultra Technology
LTL ProShares Ultra Telecommunications ProShares
UPW ProShares Ultra Utilities
YCL ProShares Ultra Yen
UPRO Proshares UltraPro S&P500 (3X)
SPXU Proshares UltraPro Short S&P500 (3X)
SMN ProShares UltraShort Basic Materials
SZK ProShares UltraShort Consumer Goods
SCC ProShares UltraShort Consumer Services
CMD ProShares UltraShort DJ-AIG Commodity
SCO ProShares UltraShort DJ-AIG Crude Oil
DXD ProShares UltraShort Dow30
EUO ProShares UltraShort Euro
SKF ProShares UltraShort Financials
FXP ProShares Ultrashort FTSE/Xinhua China
GLL ProShares UltraShort Gold
RXD ProShares UltraShort Health Care
SIJ ProShares UltraShort Industrials
TBT ProShares UltraShort Lehman 20+ Year Treasury
PST ProShares UltraShort Lehman 7-10 Year Treasury
MZZ ProShares UltraShort MidCap400
BZQ Proshares UltraShort MSCI Brazil
EFU ProShares UltraShort MSCI EAFE
EEV ProShares UltraShort MSCI Emerging Markets
EPV Proshares UltraShort MSCI Europe
EWV ProShares UltraShort MSCI Japan
SMK Proshares UltraShort MSCI Mexico Investable Market
DUG ProShares UltraShort Oil & Gas
QID ProShares UltraShort QQQ
SRS ProShares UltraShort Real Estate
TWQ Proshares UltraShort Russell 3000
SDK ProShares UltraShort Russell MidCap Growth
SJL ProShares UltraShort Russell MidCap Value
SFK ProShares UltraShort Russell1000 Growth
SJF ProShares UltraShort Russell1000 Value
TWM ProShares UltraShort Russell2000
SKK ProShares UltraShort Russell2000 Growth
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SDS ProShares UltraShort S&P500
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ZSL ProShares UltraShort Silver
SDD ProShares UltraShort SmallCap600
REW ProShares UltraShort Technology
TLL ProShares UltraShort Telecommunications
SDP ProShares UltraShort Utilities
YCS ProShares UltraShort Yen
RTR REVENUESHARES ADR FUND™
RWW REVENUESHARES FINANCIALS SECTOR FUND™
RWL REVENUESHARES LARGE CAP FUND™
RWK REVENUESHARES MID CAP FUND™
RWV REVENUESHARES NAVELLIER OVERALL A-100 FUND™
RWJ REVENUESHARES SMALL CAP FUND™
RRY Rydex 2x Russell 2000® ETF
RSU Rydex 2x S&P 500 ETF
RMM Rydex 2x S&P MidCap 400 ETF
REA Rydex 2x S&P Select Sector Energy ETF
RFL Rydex 2x S&P Select Sector Financial ETF
RHM Rydex 2x S&P Select Sector Health Care ETF
RTG Rydex 2x S&P Select Sector Technology ETF
FXA Rydex CurrencyShares Australian Dollar Trust
FXB Rydex CurrencyShares British Pound Sterling Trust
FXC Rydex CurrencyShares Canadian Dollar Trust
FXE Rydex CurrencyShares Euro Currency Trust
FXY Rydex CurrencyShares Japanese Yen Trust
FXM Rydex CurrencyShares Mexican Peso Trust
FXS Rydex CurrencyShares Swedish Krona Trust
FXF Rydex CurrencyShares Swiss Franc Trust
RRZ Rydex Inverse 2x Russell 2000® ETF
RSW Rydex Inverse 2x S&P 500 ETF
RMS Rydex Inverse 2x S&P MidCap 400 ETF
REC Rydex Inverse 2x S&P Select Sector Energy ETF
RFN Rydex Inverse 2x S&P Select Sector Financial ETF
RHO Rydex Inverse 2x S&P Select Sector Health Care ETF
RTW Rydex Inverse 2x S&P Select Sector Technology ETF
XLG Rydex Russell Top 50® ETF
RPG Rydex S&P 500 Pure Growth ETF
RPV Rydex S&P 500 Pure Value ETF
RCD Rydex S&P Equal Weight Consumer Discretionary ETF
RHS Rydex S&P Equal Weight Consumer Staples ETF
RYE Rydex S&P Equal Weight Energy ETF
RSP Rydex S&P Equal Weight ETF
RYF Rydex S&P Equal Weight Financial ETF
RYH Rydex S&P Equal Weight Health Care ETF
RGI Rydex S&P Equal Weight Industrials ETF
RTM Rydex S&P Equal Weight Materials ETF
RYT Rydex S&P Equal Weight Technology ETF
RYU Rydex S&P Equal Weight Utilities ETF
RFG Rydex S&P MidCap 400 Pure Growth ETF
RFV Rydex S&P MidCap 400 Pure Value ETF
RZG Rydex S&P SmallCap 600 Pure Growth ETF
RZV Rydex S&P SmallCap 600 Pure Value ETF
TGR S&P Target Date Retirement Income Index Fund
SCHE Schwab Emerging Markets Equity ETF
SCHF Schwab International Equity ETF
SCHC Schwab International Small-Cap Equity ETF
SCHB Schwab U.S. Broad Market ETF
SCHX Schwab U.S. Large-Cap ETF
SCHG Schwab U.S. Large-Cap Growth ETF
SCHV Schwab U.S. Large-Cap Value ETF
SCHA Schwab U.S. Small-Cap ETF
CWB SPDR Barclays Capital Convertible Bond ETF
ITR SPDR Barclays Capital Intermediate Term Credit Bond ETF
LWC SPDR Barclays Capital Long Term Credit Bond ETF
MBG SPDR Barclays Capital Mortgage Backed Bond ETF
BWZ SPDR Barclays Capital Short Term International Treasury Bond ETF
IPE SPDR Barclays Capital TIPS ETF
WIP SPDR DB International Government Inflation-Protected Bond ETF
FEZ SPDR DJ EURO STOXX 50 ETF
DGT SPDR DJ Global Titans ETF
FEU SPDR DJ STOXX 50 ETF
RWO SPDR DJ Wilshire Global Real Estate ETF
RWX SPDR DJ Wilshire Intl Real Estate
ELR SPDR DJ Wilshire Large Cap ETF
ELV SPDR DJ Wilshire Large Cap Value ET
ELG SPDR DJ Wilshire Lg Cap Growth
EMM SPDR DJ Wilshire Mid Cap ETF
EMG SPDR DJ Wilshire Mid Cap Growth ETF
EMV SPDR DJ Wilshire Mid Cap Value ETF
RWR SPDR DJ Wilshire REIT ETF
DSC SPDR DJ Wilshire Small Cap ETF
DSG SPDR DJ Wilshire Small Cap Growth
DSV SPDR DJ Wilshire Small Cap Value
TMW SPDR DJ Wilshire Total Market ETF
GII SPDR FTSE/Macquarie GI 100 ETF
GLD SPDR Gold Trust
XHB SPDR Homebuilders ETF
KBE SPDR KBW Bank ETF
KCE SPDR KBW Capital Markets ETF
KIE SPDR KBW Insurance ETF
KME SPDR KBW Mortgage Finance ETF
KRE SPDR KBW Regional Banking ETF
BIL SPDR Lehman 1-3 Month T-Bill ETF
LAG SPDR Lehman Aggregate Bond ETF
CXA SPDR Lehman California Municipal Bond ETF
JNK SPDR Lehman High Yield Bond ETF
ITE SPDR Lehman Intermediate Term Treasury ETF
BWX SPDR Lehman Intl Treasury Bd
TLO SPDR Lehman Long Term Treasury ETF
TFI SPDR Lehman Municipal Bond
INY SPDR Lehman New York Municipal Bond ETF
SHM SPDR Lehman Short Term Municipal Bond ETF
MDY SPDR MidCap Trust Series I
MTK SPDR MS Technology
CWI SPDR MSCI ACWI ex-US ETF
JPP SPDR Russell/Nomura PRIME Japan ETF
JSC SPDR Russell/Nomura Small Cap Japan
SPY SPDR S&P 500
XBI SPDR S&P Biotech ETF
BIK SPDR S&P BRIC 40
GXC SPDR S&P China ETF
SDY SPDR S&P Dividend ETF
GMF SPDR S&P Emerging Asia Pacific ETF
GUR SPDR S&P Emerging Europe ETF
GML SPDR S&P Emerging Latin America ETF
GMM SPDR S&P Emerging Markets ETF
EWX SPDR S&P Emerging Markets Small Cap ETF
IPD SPDR S&P International Consumer Discretionary Sector ETF
IPS SPDR S&P International Consumer Staples Sector ETF
DWX SPDR S&P International Dividend ETF
IPW SPDR S&P International Energy Sector ETF
IPF SPDR S&P International Financial Sector ETF
IRY SPDR S&P International Health Care Sector ETF
IPN SPDR S&P International Industrial Sector ETF
IRV SPDR S&P International Materials Sector ETF
MDD SPDR S&P International Mid Cap ETF
GWX SPDR S&P International SmallCap ETF
IPK SPDR S&P International Technology Sector ETF
IST SPDR S&P International Telecommunications Sector ETF
IPU SPDR S&P International Utilities Sector ETF
XME SPDR S&P Metals & Mining ETF
GAF SPDR S&P Middle East & Africa ETF
XES SPDR S&P Oil & Gas Equip & Service
XOP SPDR S&P Oil & Gas Explor & Product
XPH SPDR S&P Pharmaceuticals ETF
XRT SPDR S&P Retail ETF
XSD SPDR S&P Semiconductor ETF
GWL SPDR S&P World ex-US ETF
XLB SPDR Select Sector Fund – Basic Industries
XLY SPDR Select Sector Fund – Consumer Discretionary
XLP SPDR Select Sector Fund – Consumer Staples
XLE SPDR Select Sector Fund – Energy Select Sector
XLF SPDR Select Sector Fund – Financial
XLV SPDR Select Sector Fund – Health Care
XLI SPDR Select Sector Fund – Industrial
XLK SPDR Select Sector Fund – Technology
XLU SPDR Select Sector Fund – Utilities
USL United States 12 Month Oil
UGA United States Gasoline Fund LP
UHN United States Heating Oil Fund LP
UNG United States Natural Gas Fund LP
USO United States Oil Fund
VCR Vanguard Consumer Discretion ETF – DNQ
VDC Vanguard Consumer Staples ETF – DNQ
VIG Vanguard Div Appreciation ETF – DNQ
VWO Vanguard Emerging Markets ETF
VDE Vanguard Energy ETF
VEA Vanguard Europe Pacific
VGK Vanguard European ETF
EDV Vanguard Extended Duration Treasury ETF
VXF Vanguard Extended Market ETF – DNQ
VFH Vanguard Financials ETF – DNQ
VEU Vanguard FTSE All World Ex US ETF
VSS Vanguard FTSE All-World ex-US Small-Cap Index
VUG Vanguard Growth ETF – DNQ
VHT Vanguard Health Care ETF – DNQ
VYM Vanguard High Dividend Yield ETF – DNQ
VIS Vanguard Industrials ETF – DNQ
VGT Vanguard Information Tech ETF – DNQ
BIV Vanguard Intermediate-Term Bond ETF
VV Vanguard Large-Cap ETF – DNQ
BLV Vanguard Long-Term Bond ETF
VAW Vanguard Materials ETF – DNQ
MGC Vanguard Mega Cap 300 ETF
MGK Vanguard Mega Cap 300 Growth
MGV Vanguard Mega Cap 300 Value
VO Vanguard Mid-Cap ETF – DNQ
VOT Vanguard Mid-Cap Growth ETF – DNQ
VOE Vanguard Mid-Cap Value ETF – DNQ
VPL Vanguard Pacific ETF
VNQ Vanguard REIT ETF – DNQ
BSV Vanguard Short-Term Bond ETF
VB Vanguard Small-Cap ETF – DNQ
VBK Vanguard Small-Cap Growth ETF – DNQ
VBR Vanguard Small-Cap Value ETF – DNQ
VOX Vanguard Telecom ETF – DNQ
BND Vanguard Total Bond Market ETF
VTI Vanguard Total Stock Market ETF – DNQ
VT Vanguard Total World Stock Index
VPU Vanguard Utilities ETF – DNQ
VTV Vanguard Value ETF – DNQ
DWM WisdomTree DEFA Fund
DTH WisdomTree DEFA High-Yielding Equity Fund
DTN WisdomTree Dividend Top 100 Fund
BZF WisdomTree Dreyfus Brazilian Real Fund
CYB WisdomTree Dreyfus Chinese Yuan Fund
CEW WisdomTree Dreyfus Emerging Currency Fund
EU WisdomTree Dreyfus Euro Fund
ICN WisdomTree Dreyfus Indian Rupee Fund
JYF WisdomTree Dreyfus Japanese Yen Fund
BNZ WisdomTree Dreyfus New Zealand Dollar Fund
SZR WisdomTree Dreyfus South African Rand Fund
EPS WisdomTree Earnings 500 Fund
EEZ WisdomTree Earnings Top 100 Fund
DGS WisdomTree Emerging Market SmallCap Fund
DEM WisdomTree Emerging Markets High-Yielding Fund
DEW WisdomTree Europe High-Yielding Equity Fund
DFE WisdomTree Europe SmallCap Dividend Fund
DEB WisdomTree Europe Total Dividend Fund
DHS WisdomTree High-Yielding Equity Fund
EPI WisdomTree India Earnings Fund
DBN WisdomTree International Basic Materials Sector Fund
DGG WisdomTree International Communications Sector Fund
DPC WisdomTree International Consumer Cyclical Sector Fund
DPN WisdomTree International Consumer Non-Cyclical Sector Fund
DOO WisdomTree International Dividend Top 100 Fund
DKA WisdomTree International Energy Sector Funds
DRF WisdomTree International Financial Sector Fund
DBR WisdomTree International Health Care Sector Fund
DDI WisdomTree International Industrial Sector Fund
DOL WisdomTree International LargeCap Dividend Fund
DIM WisdomTree International MidCap Dividend Fund
DRW WisdomTree International Real Estate Fund
DLS WisdomTree International SmallCap Fund
DBT WisdomTree International Technology Sector Fund
DBU WisdomTree International Utilities Sector Fund
DNL WisdomTree Japan High-Yielding Equity Fund
DFJ WisdomTree Japan SmallCap Fund
DXJ WisdomTree Japan Total Dividend Fund
DLN WisdomTree LargeCap Dividend Fund
ROI WisdomTree LargeCap Growth Fund
EZY WisdomTree Low P/E Fund
DON Wisdom
Posted via email from Big Picture's posterous
Posted at 06:14 PM | Permalink
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
HOW TO SING THE BLUES
HOW TO SING THE BLUES ... by Stretch Melon Clinton
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning." 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you
stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the
meanest face in town." 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat
it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman -
with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she
weigh 500 pound." 4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in
a ditch; ain't no way out. 5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet
aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin'
plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get
the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any
place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression.
Chicago, St.Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues.
You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with
male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not
the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is. 9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. 10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less
you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it. 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund. 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck.
Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people
also got a leg up on the blues. 14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water 15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way
to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a
broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction. 16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling 17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie 18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow
can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore,
etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") 20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you
cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of
Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care.
Posted via email from Big Picture's posterous
Posted at 05:54 PM | Permalink
