Sunday, August 10, 2003

Shrill Blonde Harpy

A request: There are some people who engage in ridiculous polemics, spew crass vitriol, and utter any venomous thoughts they can muster for the sole purpose of generating publicity to hawk whatever they happen to be whoring at that moment. Some of these figures actually make bile their career. Its practically on their business cards.

The blogosphere is filled with references to these imbeciles. By commenting, criticizing, even mocking the intellectual detritus, one incidentally legitimizes them.

The goal of uttering insupportable yet outrageous comments such as:

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity
is simply to generate publicity and hence increase book sales.

They have no true political agenda. They adopt extreme views because it generates "buzz," which in turn increases book sales, which of course, puts money in their pockets.

They are, in a word, whores.


Therefore, I propose the following: I say, lets thwart their evil plan. Let us no longer mention them by their given (also known as Christian) names. Like the movie BeetleJuice: as long as you don't say their name, they cannot appear.

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT I SHALL NOW REFER TO HER WHOSE NAME WE DARE NOT SPEAK AS:
THE SHRILL BLONDE HARPY
.

Whenever I see the Shrill Blonde Harpy’s name mentioned in a blog, I shall encourage that writer to take a more indifferent approach.

It is important to understand that the opposite of love is not hate; It is indifference. Pick out the most heinous persona you can think of, and find a suitable substitute for their actual name. In the case of some of these media whores, including the Shrill Blonde Harpy, this process will take some time. SBH still has a few seconds to burn off her 15 minutes of fame. Cold turkey, simply stop.

Heres what this will look like:
The Trouble With the Shrill Blonde Harpy

Shrill Blonde Harpy Watch

LAffaire Shrill Blonde Harpy

My Lunch With the Shrill Blonde Harpy

My Lunch with Shrill Blonde Harpy II
(apparently, Shrill Blonde Harpies are a voracious lot)

When Shrill Blonde Harpies attack

Fact-Checking the Shrill Blonde Harpy

The Wisdom of the Shrill Blonde Harpy

Pick your own intellectually vapid liar and go to town! It doesn't matter if they are left or right -- Michael Moore, Geraldo, Bill O'Reilly, Bill Maher -- find someone who's utterly whoring existence offends every fibre of your being -- and denude them of name. My short list above consists of merely annoying people, who do not reach the level of the Shrill Blonde Harpy in my book -- but perhaps they do in yours! Let me know, and I'll strike their name out for you!

On behalf of sentient creatures everywhere, you will have earned the Universe's undying gratitude.

Start denuding . . .

Posted at 08:52 PM in Humor, Media, Politics | Permalink

Comments

For frighteningly similar reasons, my former husband is known as either X or He Who Must Not Be Named (a la the fashionable Harry Potter stories.)

Posted by: Snowball | Aug 12, 2003 3:45:58 PM

Note: If you don't have the balls to put your email address, name or URL here when you comment, they will be deleted.

If you believe in something, at least have the courage of your convictions . . .

Posted by: _ | Dec 4, 2003 12:06:01 PM

Excellent point. In the case of the harpy in question, I do believe that indifference is a solid approach. Her frequent television appearances are notable in that she clearly loves attention, and will even vocally protest when she is not attended to, in other words, when she is being silent, and cannot spew her kidney stones of wisdom.

The harpy in question should not be taken seriously, and yet said television appearances, even if for cynical ratings reasons, still serve to provide her with a degree of legitimacy.

This particular harpy also pens weighty tomes when she is not publicly espousing her enlightened values, and I have found these volumes even useless as a source of fuel during the winter, as they seem to burn a cold, bitter fire...

Posted by: Nick | Aug 5, 2004 11:09:25 AM

Nick,

I don't know exactly which "shrill harpy" you are referring to but I am 99.9% sure that whoever she is, she is NOT Blonde.

I find your proposal that we not use her name interesting.

My personal method of disempowering these women is to take the name Blonde away from them and force them to answer to their own name which is Brunette, with the word Bleached attached to it; Bleached Brunette.

Only 3% of women are Blonde.

A whopping 40% of American women are now FULLY bleached and have ASSUMED the name Blonde. This gives them immense power. So we can't take the high-powered bleach spot-light away from them (YET) but we can take the NAME Blonde away from them.

Can you imagine them being introduced as and written about as Dumb Bleached Brunettes? Can you imagine people telling them Dumb Bleached Brunette jokes? Can you imagine people saying "I just had a Bleached Brunette Moment?

I can, and I LIKE IT!

carolecox@blondfrombirth.org

Posted by: carol | Aug 12, 2004 2:36:27 AM

Hello,

I stumbled upon your piece about the Shrill Blonde Harpy. Unfortunately, it appears as though Shrill Harpies are reproducing. There's a new one that starting to get mucho airtime on cable news named Michelle Malkin. Not blonde. Sort of exotic brunette (Asian? maybe...Latino? maybe...Martian? probably...Meshuga? definitely). Still, she's clearly shrill and definitely harpy-ish in tone and argument (though not as fully formed in the art of shrieking as the grand blonde one -- sort of Shrill Blonde Harpy-lite). I can only surmise that others are in the pipeline. I now expect to see a redhead, maybe a strawberry blonde, and the ever-elusive Harpy of color. Maybe they are being produced in a twisted eugenics program somewhere.

Posted by: mrpeabody | Aug 20, 2004 4:48:35 PM

I refer to my ex as either "she who is not to be named" or the "Bad Cat". Sleek, gorgeous, charming, and will you maul you on a regular basis just to be sure she maintains the upper paw.

Posted by: J D Bear | Nov 1, 2004 10:59:08 AM

I have to say I really love the Shrill Harpy commentary, and the equal application to both genders. Of course the question arises, what is the masculine form of Harpy?

The point remains, the only way to stop the loud idiots of the world is to silence them, by applying your own initiative and ignoring them.

Just as the psychological principle of enablement applies to Alcoholics, thus it applies to such persons seeking notariety through idiocy and obnoxiousness.

I found the bleached brunette comments highly accurate and amusing too.

Posted by: Jim Anderson | Mar 8, 2005 11:53:57 PM

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