Saturday, December 20, 2003

F U & Your H2

The official Hummer 2 Salute site is, to say the least, strangely amusing:

polaroid.jpg

So...why all the fuss?

"Well, it breaks down like this:

The H2 is the ultimate poseur vehicle. It has the chassis of a Chevy Tahoe and a body that looks like the original Hummer; i.e. it's a Chevy Tahoe in disguise.

The H2 is a gas guzzler. Because it has a gross vehicle weight rating over 8500 lbs, the US government does not require it to meet federal fuel efficiency regulations. Hummer isn't even required to publish its fuel economy (owners indicate that they get around 10 mpg for normal use). So while our brothers and sisters are off in the Middle East risking their lives to secure America's fossil fuel future, H2 drivers are pissing away our "spoils of victory" during each trip to the grocery store.

The H2 is a polluter. Based on G.M.'s optimistic claim that it gets13 mpg, an H2 will produce 3.4 metric tons of carbon emissions in a typical year, nearly double that of G.M.'s Chevrolet Malibu sedan.

The H2 is a death machine. You'd better hope that you don't collide with an H2 in your economy car. You can kiss your ass goodbye thanks to the H2's massive weight and raised bumpers. Too bad you couldn't afford an urban assault vehicle of your own. Or could you...?

The H2 is a tax loophole. Under Bush's new tax plan, business owners can deduct the entire cost of their $55,000 H2. If you are in the highest tax bracket, that's a tax savings of nearly $20,000! The government rewards you more savings for buying an H2 than you'd get for buying an electric car.

So, if you see it our way, tell a Hummer owner what you think and show 'em the bird. If you do, send us a picture--we'd love to post it on our site."

I hate these goddamned trucks -- they takeup too much space, and like most SUVs, their owners do not know how to drive them. Salute!

via Good Morning Silicon Valley

Sources:
F U H2
I Hate SUVs.com

Posted at 08:56 AM in Current Affairs, Humor | Permalink

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Comments

It's funny how the "environmentalists" all suggest how polluting H2's, tahoe's, etc. are, but yet no one talks about how environmentally unfriendly small cars are also. Like a Porsche, Mercedes S500, etc. I think you need to place you money where your mouth is and not just look at Big trucks as the entire problem. It's not a big vs. small issue. It's a power vs. no power issue.

Anyway, have fun in your Prius (aka 2 door lawn mower)!

Posted by: Mark | Sep 18, 2007 3:16:57 PM

I think you have a problem, everyone loves H2s and you need to blame yourself for not being able to afford one of those angels you lazy, sinful bum! Next time I see your Pirus on the road I'm going to run you over with my H2 and you can kiss your own ass goodbye. Also, I have a tiny penis, but since I am impotent, the size matters not.

Posted by: Tux H | Nov 29, 2007 8:29:50 PM

What do enviromentalists know?

Posted by: Horace | Nov 29, 2007 8:35:19 PM

I have a h2 and it is definitely very fuel effcient, i am offended at the fact you are insulting h2's when you insult my car your insult me an my dinky little peepee.

Posted by: Will | Nov 29, 2007 8:46:17 PM

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