Thursday, February 26, 2004

Top twelve reasons homosexual marriage should not be legal:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never suceed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “seperate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Seperate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as seperate marriages for gays and lesbians will.


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Posted at 05:41 PM in Humor, Politics | Permalink

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Comments

I'm a heterosexual and I think this site is awesome! Thank you so much for being so real! I think that heterosexuals that are against ssm need to get their heads out of their butts and just grow up!

Posted by: Liz | Jan 24, 2005 12:12:09 PM

i'm heterosexual but i am very much a huge supporter of SSM. I am writing a persuasive speech on SSM and this site along with many others ahs helped greatly. thank you!!

Posted by: Alexandra | Feb 23, 2005 11:19:05 AM

Your not choosing their future. If people want to marry someone who is the same gender as then then you should at least tolerate it. Consider this, what if that was your little sister or brother or another one of your family members, would you:1. accept it and go to their wedding and be the person of a family member that they want you to be or just destroy their wedding saying " I don't want my family member to be getting married to this person because they are homosexual", and be a prejudice? Your choice because nobody choose u on how you looked or if you were homosexual or hetrosexual you did your self because you choose your future even though your parents wanted you to become something else in life.

Posted by: Kaliyah | Apr 14, 2005 5:30:44 PM

hi i thought u should know that i think that gay marrige is so wrong b/c god did not make it that way that is the worlds doing and it is wrong and god said that marrege for 1 man and 1 woman so i belive that this is so very wrong u can chose to do what the world said or what god said. it your life u chose. god bye your friend heather

Posted by: heather | May 3, 2005 10:35:49 AM

hi i thought u should know that i think that gay marrige is so wrong b/c god did not make it that way that is the worlds doing and it is wrong and god said that marrege for 1 man and 1 woman so i belive that this is so very wrong u can chose to do what the world said or what god said. it your life u chose. god bye your friend heather

Posted by: heather | May 3, 2005 10:37:24 AM

I'm afraid that I'm intolerant against people who are against Same Sex Marriages... Does that make me a bad person? =(

Posted by: Jonas | May 6, 2005 9:00:40 AM

i am for ssm because it is not the states right to chose who you can marry. this is just showing how people are trying to control us. if they want to talk about marrages that are meaningless they need to look at the loons around the world who marry animals and car. to me that is a meanless marrage. i dont understand how they just tell us how to live our lives. and the thing about god if he mde everything even queers why would he hate them if her really hates queer people there would be none in the frist place. people think that you jus wake up in the morning think " hmmm i think i will be gay today and for the rest of my life" it dosent work like that not one bit you are born gay no ifs ands or buts. this is why people are scared to come out to themseleves they will end up livving a lie and will never be happy in there lives. people never thought about how much they really hurt a person untill they are died or killed in some type of homophbic bash. so i say leave us alone and let us marry who ever the fuck we want to *sorry about the bad word

Posted by: jonathan | Jul 6, 2005 10:40:25 PM

Is this a joke, or are you serious about your reasons for not supporting gay marriage? If this shit is serious, than I really feel sorry for you. I fully support gay marriage. It is very natural. People are born gay; they can't change that. Everyone deserves equality in this ever changing world. Producing offspring is not the only reason for marriage; it is for love, committment, and life long support. As for the comment about women being property, why don't you grow up and get with the times. Women are independent beings, fully capable of making their own decisions, including the decision to kick assholes like you in their fucking nuts!

Posted by: Anonymous | Jul 7, 2005 3:26:04 PM

You are a very unintelligent person, and obsviously been brainwashed or something. you dont know how much of a loser you sound like making other peoples decisions that have nothing to do with you... i am straight, and i was born like that, so gay people are born like that...how can you deny people of who they are? what a loser

Posted by: Paris | Sep 14, 2005 8:29:30 AM

man! i dont see the point why people just cant mind their damn business. i say just let these persons marry whoever they want. if these things ever have consequences what the hell do other people care, right? i just wish ssm will be legalized and recognized soon...universally. how about that? i bet this'll be a teRriFic change. tnx.

Posted by: eLmo | Nov 7, 2005 10:28:17 AM

Humor: Look it up

Posted by: Barry Ritholtz | Nov 7, 2005 11:02:40 AM

i am a lesbian who not only thinks your site is completely bogus and ignorant to so many other aspects of life like segregation of blacks is just as good as seperate marraige for gays/lesbians ...and straight marraige is less meaningful because so many men and woman take it for granted and do the 3 month marraige ... also since when are woman property and since when is it illegal for blacks to marry whites ... and since when does America have one religion?... i think you need to get your head out of the clouds do some research and get educated on some things also what century are you living in ????

Posted by: jackie | Dec 4, 2005 10:23:43 PM

jackie, my dear, this article is in SUPPORT of homosexuality. They used sarcasm to mock how ridiculous people sound when they argue the topic. I'm gay and found this list hilarious.

Posted by: Zach | Apr 18, 2006 11:54:06 PM

i am not sure what i am for, but i do know this. women are NOT property, blacks and whites CAN marry, and divorce is NOT illegal. women are independent, and yes, have the right to kick assholes like you in the face. blacks and whites can marry, because there is nothing different between them. they are both humans, and obviously fell in love with each other. divorce is for those who cannot get along/tolerate each other. ive been with my mom who has been through two, so i know what im talking about.

same sex marraige should be allowed. i dont know what you're talking about. neither does the states. since when did they have the right to push people around telling them who they can and cannot marry? never.

in case you were wondering, im fully straight. not a gay bone in my body.

Posted by: emilie | Apr 25, 2006 4:01:36 PM

i am 15 years old and im not gay but whoever made this site is a complete asshole. This is not a joke. im not gay but you are an idiot. it ecspecially pisses me off that you say women are property and the racist jokes were unecessary and i will to anything in my power to shut down this site. and dont think that just cuz i young that i cant. i hope the thought sticks in in your min what many people think you are. YOU ARE A BASTARD

Posted by: ericka | Apr 27, 2006 2:40:31 PM

Ericka,

When you are older than 15, have some life experience, and can understand what satire is, come back and visit.

In the meantime, the rest of us will just snicker at the failings of our education system, and just how naive a sheltered and clueless 15 year girl can be.

Best of luck sophmore year!

Posted by: Barry Ritholtz | Apr 28, 2006 5:50:36 AM

Does anyone remember the scene from Roxanne where Steve Martin's character says that he stopped practicing irony because he was tired of being the only practitioner in town?

Kaliyah, Paris, Jackie, Ericka... "your" (sic) proof that if irony is not yet dead, then it is well on its way. How sad for all of us!

Posted by: Dan | Apr 28, 2006 1:44:49 PM

First of all anyone who says that being gay is genetic is ignorant. Lets take for example a liar now we as humans have brains right and we base our actions on past experiences and morals thus we choose to lie or kill or steal its a choice as is being gay.
http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2004/apr/04040609.html

Posted by: Trey | May 21, 2006 9:40:24 PM

Gay marriage and homosexuality is unnatural. Ok, u pervs love each other, then STFU and just get on with ur lives without affecting anyone else. Is not owning a marriage certificate gonna fuck up ur relationship? All these fucking demonstrations and freedom propoganda about gay rights is real bad for weak easily influenced young people who might be made to make a wrong decision and become a perv.

Posted by: Joe | Oct 3, 2006 5:08:28 PM

"Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children"

Are you sure about this? You are obviously oblivious to reality. I have a dozen of homosexual friends whose parents ARE fuckin straight. Go home and stop making statements that are so fuckin wrong and biased. go home and be an accountant or something.

Posted by: chuchai | Oct 22, 2006 8:08:25 PM

I think some people may have taken this in the wrong sence intirely, this person is making a mockery of the biased opinions of conservatives.Of the closed minds of the hypocracy we are currently living in.

Leigh

Posted by: Leigh | Oct 23, 2006 11:19:05 AM

these top 12 reasons why homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to get married is so stupid. The person that can up with this is so small minded. get out and live life honey. I was raised by a male and a female but i am a PROUD lesiban that really don't give a FUCK about what u stupid ass people think. And yes my girlfriend and I are engaged and will be getting married next year in July. She's a graduate of Penn. State with a masters in Business. So we are living good and all yall can kiss our lesiban and gay asses. Because i promise you what u all typing on this board don't FUCKIN matter because we're happily in love. I think you should try being with your same sex you just might stop being an asswhole. Because it is clear to see that the oppsite sex is not working for you.

Posted by: luv 2plez my stud | Nov 1, 2006 5:51:36 PM

fantastic! There are so many people not realising this is satire that I'm now thinking they are satirising the people that don't get the satire, if they are; Genius!!! I have been well and truly got. If they are truly not understanding this is satire then you must be so stupid you must have got someone else to type for you. :)

Posted by: daemon | Nov 1, 2006 11:10:00 PM

Fool. I know the twelve reasons are satire. I am saying gayness is wrong and perverted.

Posted by: joe | Nov 5, 2006 1:21:47 PM

get you facts right ya retared go back to school or something im a redneck and know you cant turn gay if you are around one. DUH!

Posted by: Alyssa | Nov 7, 2006 11:10:39 AM

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