Sunday, June 19, 2005

Insults about intelligence

A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.
- - - Alexander Pope

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.
- - - Tom Waits

A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.
- - - Alexander Pope

Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?
- - - from "Heathers"

Differently clued.
- - - Dave Clark

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
- - - Josh Billing

End of season sale at the cerebral department.
- - - Gareth Blackstock

Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.
- - - David Letterman

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
- - - Abraham Lincoln

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
- - - Robert Redford

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
- - - Billy Wilder

He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.
- - - David Lloyd George

He is so stupid you can't trust him with an idea.
- - - John Steinbeck

He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.
- - - Mark Twain

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
- - - Joseph Heller

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
- - - George Bernard Shaw

He knows so little and knows it so fluently.
- - - Ellen Glasgow

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
- - - Forrest Tucker

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
- - - Groucho Marx

He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style.
- - - Leo Tolstoy

He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one.
- - - Earl of Rochester

He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.
- - - Sydney Smith

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
- - - John Ruskin

He used statistics the way a drunkard uses lampposts - for support, not illumination.
- - - Andrew Lang

He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright.
- - - Samuel Butler

He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong.
- - - Benjamin Disraeli

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.
- - - Robin Williams

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
- - - Mark Twain

His ignorance is encyclopedic.
- - - Abba Eban

His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.
- - - F. H. Bradley

His mind is so open that the wind whistles through it.
- - - Heywood Braun

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?
- - - Ashleigh Brilliant

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.
- - - Leonard Louis Levinson

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland.
- - - Eugene McCarthy

If he ever had a bright idea it would be beginner's luck.
- - - William Lashner "Veritas"

Little things affect little minds.
- - - Benjamin Disraeli

Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world.
- - - Van Jacobson

No more sense of direction than a bunch of firecrackers.
- - - Rob Wagner

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.
- - - Dave Barry

Sharp as a sack full of wet mice.
- - - Foghorn Leghorn

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.
- - - W. Somerset Maugham

She is a water bug on the surface of life.
- - - Gloria Steinem

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to.
- - - Gypsy Rose Lee

Stay with me; I want to be alone.
- - - Joey Adams

Teflon brain (nothing sticks.)
- - - Lily Tomlin

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.
- - - Douglas Adams

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.
- - - Thomas Brackett Reed

Useless as a pulled tooth.
- - - Mary Roberts Rinehart

What has a tiny brain, a big mouth, and an opinion nobody cares about? You!
- - - from "Murphy Brown"

What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.
- - - Fred Allen

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
- - - David Letterman

While he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter either.
- - - James Thurber

You look into his eyes, and you get the feeling someone else is driving.
- - - David Letterman

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
- - - Groucho Marx

Posted at 08:38 AM in Humor | Permalink

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Comments

I once claimed in an email note that "if a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, XXXXX is the safest man in London" and was rather proud of it.

Posted by: dsquared | Jun 20, 2005 6:45:08 AM

lol,very funny,ecxept a few random gay ones *cough*11 12 13...AND MORE!yes most of them either suck or are to gay to attract my attention...

Posted by: aline | Nov 30, 2006 3:15:39 PM

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