essays & effluvia: May 2012

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Wall Street invitedto a party by Mr. Romney ....

Posted at 02:57 PM | Permalink

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Trump Could Help Romney Win Elusive Billionaire Asshole Vote

Bid to Woo Top .00001%

http://www.borowitzreport.com/2012/05/30/trump-could-help-romney-win-elusive-billionaire-asshole-vote/

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Businessman Donald Trump’s endorsement of former Governor Mitt Romney could help the presumptive GOP nominee win over the support of a constituency that has been cool to him thus far: billionaire assholes.

Reportedly, the top .00001% wealthiest Americans have regarded Mr. Romney with suspicion to date, wondering, in the words of one billionaire, “if he’s really one of us.”

“It’s a bit of a reach for us billionaires to vote for someone like Romney, who just has a couple of hundred million in the bank,” said Grayson Rance, a billionaire who has so far viewed the former Massachusetts governor warily. “But if a bona fide billionaire asshat like Trump is for him, that makes you give the guy a second chance.”

Mr. Rance said that it was hard to believe that Mr. Romney, “who only owns five or six homes, could relate to people like us and understand our problems,” but that Mr. Trump’s thumbs-up “counts for a lot.”

Speaking on CNN’s “Situation Room,” Mr. Trump told host Wolf Blitzer his reason for endorsing Mr. Romney: “After four years of a President who was born overseas, its time for a President who was born here and sends his money overseas.”

As for Mr. Romney, he experienced a rare emotional moment on Memorial Day, placing a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Banker. Get a free subscription to the Borowitz Report here.

Posted at 09:32 AM | Permalink