Tom Toles via Yahoo

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Awesome:

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Too funny:

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Some of these are hysterical:

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I've been outside. It's overrrated.    

> snip <

"In terms of the social environment, almost anything goes. Outside has a vast network of guilds, many of its players are active participants in designing the game's social environment, and almost any player will be able to find company to undertake their desired group quests. On the other hand, gold-buying is rife, the outskirts of virtually every city zone in the game are completely overrun by farmers, and the developers have so far proven themselves reluctant to answer petitions, intervene in inter-player disputes, or nerf broken skills and abilities. Indeed this reviewer will go so far as to say that the developers are absent from the game entirely, and have left it to its own devices. Fortunately, server uptime has been 100% from day 1, despite there being only one server for literally billions of players.

On the whole, Outside is overrated, and many gamers will find themselves forced by friends and family to play it against their will, but it still deserves a high rating. I give it 7/10, and look forward to improvements in future patches."

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Great moments in Advertising:

Thanks, Prieur!

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The latest advertising campaign in Mexico from Swedish vodka maker Absolut promises to push all the right buttons south of the U.S. border, but it could ruffle a few feathers in El Norte.

Source:
Mexico reconquers California? Absolut drinks to that!
LA Plaza
L.A.Times, April 03, 2008
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/laplaza/2008/04/mexico-reconque.html

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Posted at 06:17 AM in Humor, Idiot!, Politics | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

via The Week

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Brilliant

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via The Week

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Terrific new technology offering from the brainiacs at Google, allowing you to search precisely one day into the future.

Q: What about insider trading?
A: Let me search tomorrow's Google news to find out!

Excerpt:

A new Google program powered by artificial intelligence allows internet users to search web pages 24 hours before they're created, the company said today.

Google Australia said the new beta search technology which drives the gDay search feature can accurately predict future internet content – and even future events.

The gDay technology – developed in the company's Sydney engineering centre – uses machine learning and artificial intelligence techniques from a system called MATE, or Machine Automated Temporal Extrapolation.

The feature then creates a sophisticated model of what the internet will look like 24 hours from a given point by using the company's index of historic, cached web content and a combination of recurrence plots and "fuzzy measure" analysis.

(rubbing hands gleefully together) Excellent !

>

Source:
New Google search tool 'can see into future'
News Limited, April 01, 2008 06:30am
http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,23460961-5014239,00.html

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Since April Fool's Day is only 2 days from now,  we present what is simply one of the most embarrassing things ever to have an affiliation with the Beatles: "Day in the Decade" Beatles tribute segment from 1977 Rolling Stone Anniversary.

Bleccch!

The author of it writes: 

Beatles tribute from hell! From the Rolling Stone Magazine 10th Anniversary TV special in 1977, found by me on an unlabled Beta tape at a flea market. Featuring Ted Neeley (the guy who played Jesus in "Jesus Christ Superstar"), Patti Labelle, Yvonne Elliman and several others. I'm sure most of them would prefer this never be seen again.

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via boingboing

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A terrible loss, and and even greater waste:

Via Yahoo

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The Daily Show on Bear Stearns:

Stephan Colbert on the Economy:

Aasif Mandvi reports on the Bear Stearns bailout while experiencing gravitational altitude correction:

I talked to guy about 300 feet ago . . .

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Cover of NY Magazine this week is too too funny:

http://nymag.com/news/politics/powergrid/45107/

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Dry humor at its finest:

FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It’s Alyson Hannigan

OnionNN vis SlateV

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Dude, that's cold:

Source:
Bear fire sale sparks rout
Jack Reerink      
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080317/bs_nm/bearstearns_fed_dc_27

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Via Indexed comes this terribly funny card:

Posted at 06:14 AM in Humor, Religion, Science | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

>   

Saying that Hillary has Executive Branch experience is like saying Yoko Ono was a Beatle. 
-- JSN

>
via Kiko's House

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From one of the comments on our sister blog:

Get ready for Monica-Bill redux
The Media gorging, raking mucks
Oozing glee from all their ducts
Republicans full of tuts and clucks
Leno and Letterman will use it for yucks
Tabloids making beaucoup bucks
As pundits narrate the jives and shucks
Of another Democratic Boy Wonder Deluxe
Who squandered the world for a few cheap...dates.

Good stuff, Jmay!

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Hilarious:

>

hat tip: There's this picture I'd like to show you... 

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via limpfish:

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Think this guy is at all ta-ta obsessed? :

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Amusing:

AOL News Presents… Where Are They Now? - video powered by Metacafe

via Club Nosebleed   

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Anesthesiologist business card:
When you care enough to sleep with the very best.

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed"

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout…"

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg...We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff"

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't,  you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak"

~~~

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Today's amusing musical moment:

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This one takes us back in time to a milestone moment in rock history: the day Bob Dylan first smoked up the Beatles. It got weird in that room.

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via limpfish

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via The Atlantic

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Since its Friday, let's have some fun.

This is hysterical piece of financial wit has been circulating round Wall Street trading desks for a few days now . . .

click for slide show

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Amusing, via Mark My Words   

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Hysterical:

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The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a contribution to this great man's legacy.

The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything.

The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (which no one has been able to find).

The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.

The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.

The K-Street Project Gift Shop  where you can buy (or just steal) an election.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

Posted at 05:47 AM in Humor, Idiot!, Politics | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Crude, but amusing:

Posted at 06:17 AM in Humor, Television, Video | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back  to their farms.

The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have an understanding of how the stock market works.

Posted at 06:11 AM in Finance, Humor | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Mark Morford, on the proliferation of idiotic surveys:

Question No. 1 (please be as specific as possible): Exactly how much of an idiot are you? More to the point: How arrogant and ignorant and out of touch with your body, your heart, your mind, your divine sense of self do you feel you are on a day to day basis? Are you, in short, a moron? How much of a moron? Too much of a moron to actually understand this paragraph? Please check the little box on the right. No, the other right. Thank you.

From what I have gleaned from glancing through a whole slew of recent studies, these are, apparently, the questions we most need answered. These are the questions that plague us and torment us and, oh my God, if we only had the answers to these questions and the many, many other urgent queries like them, such as: Is sunlight necessary? Is breathing compulsory? Is having a dog around sort of nice? If you eat less crap, will you feel better? Sleep: Who cares? Should humans move? God: WTF? — we might just figure out how to live long enough to, you know, accidentally stab ourselves in the eye with a fork and bleed to death.

Which is perhaps an overly snarky way of saying: Many of these studies are getting dangerously inane. And insulting. And actually harmful. Because if you believe many of these deceptive factoids that fill our newspapers and magazines and universities, if you take them as they're meant to be taken, as helpful guidelines for behavior or even as some sort of serious demarcation of human understanding, well, we are doomed indeed.

Go read the whole thing . .  .

>

Source:
Study says many studies suck
Mark Morford
SF Gate, Friday, February 1, 2008
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/02/01/notes020108.DTL

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click for amusing page

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Sources:

Winning the war on
Mike Luckovich

State of the Union
Pat Oliphant   

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AVMs are 24/7 machines housed in standalone rooms, abutting two dispensaries and protected by round-the-clock security guards -- like ATMs for people combating psychological withdrawal with a physical one. After cinching up your doctor's consultation, hit an AVM location to get your prescription approved, fingerprint taken, and a prepaid credit card loaded with your profile: dosage (3.5 or 7 grams, up to 1oz a week) and strain preference (choice of five, including OG Cush and Granddaddy Purple, the mildly hallucinogenic forebear to Prince).

Source:
World's First Weed ATM 
Thrillist.com, THURSDAY JAN 24, 2008
http://www.thrillist.com/archives/2008/01/worlds_first_weed_atm_la_los_angeles_gadgets_midwilshire.html

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Freakin' hysterical:

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Scienceblogs (via Metasurfing) gives us this list of the top 50 Atheist t-shirts

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers


2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole


3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry


4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.


5. There's A REASON Why Atheists Don't Fly Planes Into Buildings


6. "Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day."­ God.


7. God Doesn't Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.


8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?


9. He's Dead.
   It's Been 2,000 years.
   He's Not Coming Back.
   Get OVER It Already!


10. All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry.  -Edgar Allen Poe.


11. Viva La Evolución!


12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season


13. I Wouldn't Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist


14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.


15. People Who Don't Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn't Have Such Funny Beliefs


16.   Jesus is Coming? Don't Swallow That.


17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!


18. GOD - APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!


19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK


20. God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus


21. God Doesn't Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.


22. When the Rapture Comes, We'll Get Our Country Back!


23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
    A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.


24. You Say "Heretic" Like It Was a BAD Thing


25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.


26. Science: It Works, Bitches.


27. "Intelligent Design"  Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987


28. I Found God Between The Sheets


29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent


30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel


31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten


32. If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?


33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia


34. ALL Americans Are African Americans


35. I Forget - Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?


36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God


37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative


38. If we were made in his image, when why aren't humans invisible too?


39. JESUS SAVES....You From Thinking For Yourself


40. How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can't Even Define It?


41. Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?
    A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.


42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex


43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.


44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.


45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children


46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War


47. Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony


48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?


49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
    Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out.  Frank Sinatra.


50. No Gods. No Mullets.

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Seinfeld Reunion Show, 2027

We can only marvel at this virtuosic stunt from comic Frank Caliendo: he flawlessly acts out a promo for a fictitious Seinfeld 2027 reunion show (with sly political overtones) by playing every single character himself. It goes a long way that he already looks like a clone of Jason Alexander and Newman. Wisely, he doesn't include Kramer's Laugh Factory material. (by Rich Bailey)

Posted at 06:19 AM in Humor, Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Rudy Giuliani

There once was the mayor called Rudy
Who went to Long Island for booty
The taxpayers paid
So that he could get laid
Did 9/11 come before Judy?

Barack Obama

There once was a man named Obama
Who avoided political drama.
But when Clintonites spoke
Claiming King was a joke,
Obama responded, "Yo mama!"

Mike Huckabee

Mr. Huck believes God’s the solution
And claims that there’s no Evolution.
It could be he’s right
God said “Let there be light,”
But he didn’t write the damn Constitution.

Fred Thompson:

Here is the candidate Fred
And these are the words that he said
"I want Law and Order
so I'm closing the border
If you want me, I'll be in my bed."

via email

Posted at 06:29 AM in Humor, Politics | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Amusing 2008 Predictions via BorowitzReport:

January: After paying five billion dollars for The Wall Street Journal, Rupert Murdoch will reduce the size of the paper by removing the facts.

February: Responding to the controversy over the CIAs’ waterboarding videotapes, President Bush will reaffirm his administration’s opposition to videotaping.

March: As the writers strike drags on, Paramount will produce the second “Transformers” film without a script, just like they did with the first one.

April: Monica Lewinsky will announce her candidacy for President of the United States. She will offer herself as an alternative to Hillary, saying, “It worked before.”

May: Attempting to bolster flagging enlistment rates, the Army will change its recruitment slogan from “Army Strong” to “I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Civil War.”

June: Population experts will warn that the world’s population will soar in 2008, largely due to the Spears sisters.

July: China will send a new brand of rat poison to the United States under the name “Delicious Cupcakes.”

August: Sen. Edward Kennedy will abandon plans to write his memoirs, explaining, “I can’t even remember what I did last night.”

September: At the Republican National Convention, G.O.P. nominee Mike Huckabee will select Jesus Christ as his running mate.

October: O.J. Simpson will be convicted in Las Vegas, proving that it is easier to get away with murder than stealing sports memorabilia.

November: President-elect Michael Bloomberg will defend the five-billion-dollar cost of his campaign, arguing, “Rupert Murdoch paid that much for The Wall Street Journal, and I get a whole country.”

December: In his last official act, President Bush will announce an exit strategy from Iraq. The President will withdraw all U.S. troops – through Iran.

 

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Robert Deniro & Joe Pesci are Hysterical:

Posted at 05:55 AM in Film, Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

via infectious greed

Posted at 06:14 AM in Humor, Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Whew! We didn't make the list. Might as well shave & shower  . . .

Posted at 05:58 PM in Humor, Idiot! | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The End of the World

We Will Rock You

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Posted at 12:01 AM in Current Affairs, Humor, Idiot!, Politics | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners from the 2005 contest:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole

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Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

Here are the winners from the 2005 contest:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.),a condition inwhich you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Posted at 06:33 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack