"Ten Ways EMI Will Be Changed by Its New Owners"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 | 06:15 PM
Music company EMI Group PLC has agreed to a 2.4 billion pound ($4.7 billion) takeover by a private equity group Terra Firma Capital Partners. Things are going to be very different.

A former EMI employee writes the following:

"Once the record guys learn that “distribution” means paying people not selling records, and the new money guys learn that “returns” are nothing to cheer about, the private equity suits will start to make changes as they have in every other industry that they’ve invaded. Independent Sources has spoken to parties on both sides of the transaction and compiled the top 10 ways that EMI will be changed by these new owners:

10. Cocaine will now be amortized over 4 quarters instead of expensed in the quarter snorted
9. Remixing budgets to be renamed as “B Rounds”
8. Tour support will be funneled through the Cayman Islands
7. Recording contracts to now be called “subscription agreements” and will include full ratchet anti-dilution
6. Artist royalties to now have hurdle rates
5. Promos to be called “red herrings”
4. Bands won’t be dropped, they’ll be spun out to the original shareholders
3. Hip-hop artists will openly boast about the size of their “tranches”
2. Promotion men will hype radio stations by claiming new releases are “upper quartile”
1. Staff lay-offs will be called “involuntary redemptions”

Bonus: Demo tapes out, pro-forma business plans in

Very very funny . . .


Top 10 Ways EMI will be different owned by a private equity fund
Independent Sources

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 | 06:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Business is 100% buzz words, -100% common sense.

Posted by: KP | May 22, 2007 7:35:16 PM

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