Tuesday, February 14, 2006

The WSJ Guide to The Most Dangerous Gift of the Year

The WSJ discusses V-day:

It's easy for men to dismiss Valentine's Day as an ersatz holiday ginned up to con them into buying expensive and unnecessary gifts -- and there is something to that. But it's also an opportunity, however artificial, to do something special for each other and think outside the candy box.

Since Valentine's Day is about romance, I like the idea of gifts that promote it, commemorate it and celebrate it. One of the best is a gift of time together, such as a minigetaway or a course in a shared interest. Another option is a gift that serves as a memento of time already spent together. And there's always room for the extravagant present in the name of love.



The Most Dangerous Gift of the Year
From getaways to PJs, our columnists duke it out over what to get the other sex for Valentine's Day
HUNTING & GATHERING: He Shops, She Shops
February 11, 2006; Page P5

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Duck! Its Dick!

For any comic, when a target is this grumpy and apparently lacking in good humor, how can you not take a few pot shots?


"The Late Show With David Letterman" (CBS)

"Good news ladies and gentleman, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction … It's Dick Cheney."

* * *

"We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."

* * *

"Honestly, I don't know what all of the fuss is about. What's more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?"

* * *

"The guy who got gunned down is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet."

* * *

From "Cheney's Excuses," Monday night's Top 10 list: "I thought the guy was trying to go gay cowboy on me."

"The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" (Comedy Central)

A partial transcript:

Jon Stewart: "Yes, as you've just heard, a near-tragedy over the weekend in south Texas. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt at a political supporter's ranch. Making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting VP since Alexander Hamilton.

"Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.

* * *

The other player in the drama? Ranch owner and eyewitness Katharine Armstrong.

Katharine Armstrong: "We were shooting a covey of quail. The vice president and two others got out of the car to walk up the covey."

Jon Stewart: "What kind of hunting story begins with getting out of your car? As I sighted the great beast before us, my shaking hands could barely engage the parking brake. Slowly, I turned off the A/C and silenced my sub-woofers…"

* * *

Katharine Armstrong: "A bird flushed. The vice president took aim at the bird and shot and unfortunately, Mr. Whittington was in the line of fire and got peppered pretty well."

Jon Stewart: "Peppered. There you have it. Harry Whittington, seasoned to within an inch of his life.

* * *

Jon Stewart: "I'm joined now by our own vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst, Rob Corddry. Rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation. How is the vice president handling it?

Rob Corddry: "Jon, tonight the vice president is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Wittington. According to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush.

"And while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Whittington's face."

Jon Stewart: "But why, Rob? If he had known Mr. Whittington was not a bird, why would he still have shot him?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, in a post-9-11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To not have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak."

Jon Stewart: "That's horrible."

Rob Corddry: "Look, the mere fact that we're even talking about how the vice president drives up with his rich friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-tards is letting the quail know 'how' we're hunting them. I'm sure right now those birds are laughing at us in that little 'covey' of theirs.

Jon Stewart: "I'm not sure birds can laugh, Rob."

Rob Corddry: "Well, whatever it is they do … coo .. they're cooing at us right now, Jon, because here we are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. Jig is up. Quails one, America zero.

Jon Stewart: "Okay, well, on a purely human level, is the vice president at least sorry?"

Rob Corddry: "Jon, what difference does it make? The bullets are already in this man's face. Let's move forward across party lines as a people … to get him some sort of mask."

"Jimmy Kimmel Live" (ABC)

Among the jokes in consideration for Monday's telecast:

"It's part of the president's new Social Security plan. Once you hit 78, kablamo."

* * *

"Luckily, the guy he shot was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to the troops."

* * *

"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, 6 more weeks of winter."

"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" (NBC)

"Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C. Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear."

* * *

"When people found out he shot a lawyer his popularity is now at 92%"

* * *

"After he shot the guy, he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?' "

* * *

"Something I just found out today about the incident. Do you know that Dick Cheney tortured the guy for a half hour before he shot him?"

* * *

"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy.  Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton."

Cheney Accident Triggers Jokes on Late-Night TV
WSJ, February 14, 2006 8:42 a.m.

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Monday, February 13, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell: F#$&in Camera Guy!

This guy gets on the Thursday night train and -- I am not making this up -- uses his cell to call tech support about his new digital camera. 

Or to be more precise, he called tech support about his "fucking camera" that wont "fucking work" and did not come with the "fucking memory chip" it was supposed to.



As if that wasn't rude enough, he starts berating this poor woman at support "Hey honey, What time is it in Bombay?"

It was like a car wreck that you ddon't want to see, but cannot turn away from on the highway.


I didn't know whether to laugh or cry over this buffoon. For the record, I did neither, just cranked up the iPod.

Ahhh . . . Sweet, sweet iPod, defender of the pure, shield against the loutish buffoonery of my fellows . . .

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

Still More Fun with Snowmen

they just keep coming!







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Blizzard 2006

The Diner around the corner from us is open 24/7 -- no matter what the weather. Today, we got 2 feet of snow. So we headed out in the first blizzard of 2006 to grab some grub.

Of course, I brought the digital and took some snaps on the way:


Notice how the flash lights up the nearby flakes
click for larger photos


Is that a camera?



Try to guess what car this is -- and how am I going to get my dry cleaning out of the back? 


This is Justin from Syracuse, where this weather is called "Fall"

Did I forget to put something away last fall . . . ?

Up to my knees in snow

Lots more photos below . . .


The Main Drag: Glen Cove Road


Blowing Sideways


Booth with a view:




Dog loves the Snow!



6 foot tall Back Fence -- bottom third is covered 


Crazy Justin from Syracuse!
he goes to Medical School around the corner)


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More Fun with Snowmen

More fun via email






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Saturday, February 11, 2006

Fun with Snowmen

This came via email . . . I nearly bust a gut laughing:






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Friday, February 10, 2006

Weekend! Surf's Up!

Dude!  Surf's Up!


Gnarly curl . . . bitchin' !


At Mavericks, Thousands See the Best Wipe Out
NYT, February 8, 2006

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Starbucks Center of Gravity

So thats what that pull is:   

My office is at 45th Street & Park Avenue -- right on the edge of Manahttan's Starbucks Center of Gravity:


via Cory's Web LOG


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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

The Political Parties

Sad, But True:


Ward Sutton via The Washington Note

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