Tuesday, October 16, 2007

LIRR Commuter from Hell: Courtesy Cop/Train Terrorist

I thought I had taken the courtesy thing about as far as I could push it, with my LIRR Commuter from Hell. It was just anti-social enough to help me deal with the cretins and keep the blood pressure down.

Now, I see another pinhead has taken this concept to a whole new level: 

Long Island resident John Clifford has, by his own account, punched one woman in the head and poured his coffee on another. He's interrupted cell-phone conversations and yelled at others who managed to make his morning commute from Long Beach to Penn Station miserable. Clifford says he's tired of rude behavior.

The retired New York City police officer, who is now a lawyer, has been arrested or issued a summons by MTA police eight times since March 2003 for his conduct on trains and at Penn Station. He says his friends call him the "train terrorist."

Through all of his arrests, Clifford said, none of the charges have stuck because his accusers never show up in court. The police officers and train conductors who wrote the formal complaints never witnessed his actions.

But Gerry Bringmann, of the LIRR Commuter's Council says Clifford is "a vigilante" whose aggressive actions should not be tolerated.  Clifford has a November court date for his latest dustup, a March incident in which he smacked a woman and yelled at a man riding the train with him. He says all he wants is for the LIRR to designate one car on each train a quiet car, where loud talking and cell-phone conversations would be forbidden.

That's awesome . . .


LIRR 'train terrorist' takes courtesy enforcement to new level
Eyewitness News
Long Beach - WABC, October 15, 2007) -

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

LIRR Commuter from Hell: Stinky

This foul pig not only was on the phone the entire trip, the heinous witch was wearing a full bottle of cologne: Stinky!


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Saturday, February 17, 2007

LIRR Commuter from Hell: JFK Edition

This lady seems to think that its perfectly acceptable airport terminal behavior to file her nails down for 20 minutes.  I guess I should be thankful that she never pulled out the nail polish and acetone.


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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell: I MUST catch this train!

I have lots of LIRR miscreants in the queue, but this LIRR customer couldn't wait. He was in such a hurry to park on 10/15/06, that he overshot the lot and ended up plowing into the stairway.

Hey dude, there's always another train coming!

How funny is this:




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Sunday, June 11, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell makes the NYT

Well, almost. The Wimps at the gray lady didn't post a link! What a buncha chickens.

Here's the story info:

As the train neared Hunterspoint Avenue, one commuter revealed his own approach to problems on the train: "If there's really bad behavior on the train, I simply take a cellphone photo and post it to my Web site."

He has nicknamed some offenders: the Baritone, Barefoot Guy [not to be confused with foot man] and Nail Polish Narcissist. "I realized I needed a healthier outlet than sending my blood pressure up by getting into an argument," he said.

[LIRR Commuter Council] Ms. Krebelj-Douglas was amused by his solution, and she sees humor as part of the Commuters Council's approach, too.

"Ideally, we'd like the L.I.R.R. to put up posters based on our research," she said. "Something clever that pokes fun at it, that doesn't feel like a lecture."

If Train Riders Don't Mind Their Manners, a Commuter Group Will
NYTimes, June 9, 2006

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell: Bus Uncle -- Special Hong Kong Edition!

The WSJ reports:

"While riding public bus 68X on the night of April 29, Elvis Ho tapped the shoulder of a passenger sitting in front of him who was talking on a cellphone. The 23-year-old Mr. Ho asked the man to lower his voice. Mr. Ho called him "uncle," a familiar way of addressing an elder male in Cantonese.

Instead of complying, the man turned around and berated Mr. Ho for nearly six minutes, peppering his outburst with obscenities.

"I've got pressure, you've got pressure!" the older man exploded. "Why did you have to provoke me?" A nearby passenger who found the encounter interesting captured most of it on video with his own cellphone, and it was posted on the Web.

"Bus Uncle," as the older man is now known, has since become a Hong Kong sensation. The video, including subtitled versions, has been downloaded nearly five million times from YouTube.com, a popular Web site for video clips.

Teenagers and adults here sprinkle their conversations with phrases borrowed from Bus Uncle's rant, such as "I've got pressure!" and "It's not over!" (shouted when the young man tried to end the conversation several times by saying, "It's over"). Also, there are several insults involving mothers. Web sites peddle T-shirts with a cartoon of Bus Uncle and the famous phrases. They are also available as mobile-phone ringtones."

Instead of photos, we've got video!

The Original Video:

See these remixed versions also:

巴士阿叔 Bus Uncle (Darth Vader Version)

巴士阿叔 Bus Uncle (Adagio For Strings)


A Six-Minute Tirade On a Hong Kong Bus Rides Into Vernacular
Mr. Chan's Pressured Rant Turns Into Web Sensation;
Ringtones and Remixes

WSJ, June 7, 2006; Page A1

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Friday, June 09, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell: Drunken Hotties

This pair of cuties were on a late (but packed) Thursday night train on the Port Washington line.

They were both sloppy drunk, filling the car with drunken gossipy giggles. The brunette rode the phone the whole way home -- the entire trip. I got so annoyed that I could hear her EVEN OVER THE IPOD that I stood up and took a picture with her staring right at me. The second girl -- the one with the lower back tatt -- keeled over and passed out around Douglaston.

The funniest part of their show was watching a series of younger guys approach them. They each looked like they were about to lay a line or two on our drunken friends, but watching the sloppy behavior, must have thought better of it. My guess is they decided these girls were too annoying to be bothered with.


Check out the red bull and tatt


Imagine that:  Even if you are a cute, drunk, 20 something girl, your phone etiquette can offput males of the same age group -- guys that will hit on a drunken girl even as she vomits -- yet the phone blab bothered them. Go figure.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell: Bluetooth Weed-whacker Guy

This is the first LCFH that (eventually, anyway) made everyone around him happy.

Here's the story: Early train in, usual crowd, quietly chatting or reading their NYT, WSJ, or paperback novels.

Bluetooth Guy has a new toy -- his wireless Bluetooth earpiece. So he's holding the phone at arms length (see photo below), and talking LOUDLY into his headset.

He is oblivious. Discussing the mundanities of life: the problem with the furnance, howsdawife n da gurls, and other middling inanities.

He is loud enough that people around him start to talk about how loud and rude he is -- openly, right in front of him. Oblivious man keeps on chattering, and his conversation is so accidentally ridiculous that people sitting nearby start tittering -- almost giggling at the absurdity of the situation.

One fellow commuter mocks a parallel loud phone call -- only without a phone!

How's it going?
Fine, and you?
On the train. 
UH huh

It was quite amusing, and everyone around starts laughing. 

Then the oblivious Bluetooth Guy starts discussing his high pressure water cleaner, and people begin giggling a bit. Not very loud, but the situation has shifted from annoyance to bemused outrage.

Then, the coup d'grace: Bluetooth Guy starts talking about his Weed-whacker and then Angela, the woman sitting directly in front of him, begins to laugh -- long, hard and loud. Evreryone sitting nearby begins to laugh out loud also.

Everytime the guys says the word Weed-whacker, she cracks up harder. Soon we are all laughing nearly uncontrollably, and Bluetooth Weed-whacker Guy finally gets off the phone, as oblivious to the events around him as when the train pulled out of Roslyn in the first place.

We wipe the tears from our eyes. Best ride into the city in a long time . . .

Bluetooth Weed-whacker Guy


Angela sitting in front of the Bluetooth Weed-whacker Guy . . .

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LIRR Commuter from Hell: The LOUD Talker

There's no other way to describe this guy, other than to note he is a LOUD talker.

Not a little loud -- but VERY LOUD, as if the person on the other end of the phone was hard of hearing.


When LOUD guy finished his LOUD conversation, he was (Bless his heart!) all tuckered out. His LOUD talking led to a quick nap, where he (thankfully) did not snore.


As if I have to repeat it, yet again:

The microphones on cells phones are very sensitive with not particularly good fidelity. Your yelling doesn't help the other person hear you, and only annoys everyonme around you.

Please get a clue . . .

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Friday, April 21, 2006

LIRR Commuter from Hell: Leave the Maserati, Take the 8:06

Okay, this doesn't really qualify as a true LIRR commuter from hell -- the driver of this car wasn't bothering anyone, so technically, they aren't a CFH.

But how often do you get to see this?  A brand new Maserati Gran Sport GT Coupe in the station parking lot (thats the 6:06 in the background).

My LIRR station parking lot is typically filled with Bimmers, Range Rovers, Benzs, even an SL55. This Maserati was a first.

Welcome to Long Island


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